


The Way We Were

by Missa_Sissa



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Domestic Violence, F/F, Family, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-18
Updated: 2017-01-03
Packaged: 2018-08-31 17:58:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 10
Words: 29,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8588230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Missa_Sissa/pseuds/Missa_Sissa
Summary: When she looked into her eyes, all she saw was a stranger. When had things become like this? If you push too hard, all you're left with is broken pieces. Can we fix this? Can we fix us?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello readers! I am so excited to share this story with you. Just a warning: this story contains mature themes such as domestic violence, alcoholism, and mentions of suicide. If this is something that makes you uncomfortable, please don't read or read with caution.

Regina sighed as she heard the front door open and close downstairs followed by loud footsteps and a stream of curse words. The woman rolled over to look at the digital clock beside her. 2 a.m. _Right on time_ , she thought.

The footsteps stomped loudly up the stairs before the bedroom door was flung open.

“Hey ‘Gina, guess what? I finally drank the pirate under the table. Won 20 bucks out of it.”

Regina ignored the clearly intoxicated blonde. She didn’t want to fight. She just wanted one solid night of peace. Nearly every day now she found herself wondering why she had become involved with something as messy as this.

This wasn’t the Emma she knew, the Emma she just so happened to marry. The woman she had fallen in love with was brave and kind, the type of person to always put everyone else’s needs before her own.

Admittedly, Regina always nagged Emma about how much strain she was putting on herself as she continued being the Savior that everyone expected her to be. Now the pressure had caught up to the woman, and this is how she coped.

“I know you’re not asleep,” the blonde said as she crawled onto the bed. The stench of whiskey among other liquors clouding the woman caused Regina’s stomach to churn.

 It reminded her of her past. The dark memories that she had tried over and over to get rid of. Unfortunately, no amount of therapy or medication was strong enough to get the job done. So she laid in silence as flashbacks flew through her mind like an old timey movie reel set on repeat.

She immediately stiffened as she felt Emma’s lips press against her neck. She arched her body away from the woman and pulled the covers up to her chin. If Emma thought she could seduce her and all their troubles would disappear she had another thing coming.

“Regina…” the blonde pouted as she pulled away.

Regina rolled her eyes despite the woman not being able to see her. Force of habit after dealing with the clueless airheads inhabiting this town for the past 33 years.

“Go to sleep, Emma,” the dark-haired woman murmured as she let her eyes drift shut.

She hoped tonight Emma would be in a more submissive state and do as she asked. However, it was nearly impossible to tell how she was going to act every time she got herself plastered. Sometimes she was irritable, other times an emotional wreck, and she was almost always horny.

“You never touch me anymore. You hardly even look at me!” Emma slurred.

And there it was; the grand combination of every one of her drunk side effects. The hardest to keep controlled. More often than not on these nights, Emma would wind up on the couch as Regina laid alone in their bed and silently allowed tears to fall until she passed out from exhaustion.

This time, Regina was the one to make the first move. Grabbing a pillow and a small blanket, the woman headed downstairs to the den. It wouldn’t hurt to stay down here for one night. Emma could stay upstairs alone and think about the silent anger Regina was projecting.

But Emma wasn’t done with her yet. “What the fuck is your problem?” The woman snapped as she entered the den.

Regina shot up from the couch, the vein in her forehead standing prominently as her temper flared. “ _My_ problem? You’re one to talk. You can hardly stand on your two feet. I bet your tolerance is through the roof by now. Tell me; how many drinks did it take this time?”

“You know what Regina; you don’t get to judge me. I work hard to provide for this family. I deserve to have time to myself!” The blonde said as her voice continuously rose higher and higher.

“I could understand if you go out every few weeks or so to let off some steam. But you are doing the same thing every single night! The boys hardly see you and in the rare moments that they do you’re nursing a hangover!” Regina yelled.

Emma stumbled over to the coffee table and grabbed the lone tea cup perched on top. Regina narrowly missed getting hit in the face as the blonde chucked it as hard as she could. “I never see you either, Regina! You’re constantly working and you barely even acknowledge me when you are around!”

Regina shook her head and grabbed her bedding. She would not explain herself to someone who was in such deep denial that they were blind to the world around them.

As she pushed her way past Emma to go, the woman gripped her arm tightly. “We aren’t finished,” Emma growled.

Regina attempted to yank her arm out of the woman’s painful grasp, but Emma was stronger than her even when drunk. “Let me go,” she ordered.

Emma ignored her command and dragged her over to the couch. “You’re going to sit and listen to what I have to say this time.”

Regina lashed out at the blonde, raking her long fingernails against her face. Emma cried out in pain and let go as she held a hand to her bleeding cheek. “What the fuck?!” The blonde snarled.

Regina glanced down at her arm to see the red mark there was already starting to bruise. She had so many it was hard to count them anymore. It saddened her to think this is what they had become. Everything had been perfect for a while; it seemed Emma was her happily ever after.

Then their marriage had spiraled out of control faster than they could stop it. Regina was spending long days at work to avoid seeing her wife, and Emma was going out frequently to do the same. The first time their fights had become physical Regina had lashed out first.

The blonde was arguing with her about how much work she was doing when one of her phrases caught Regina by surprise. It was something her mother always said; about how she constantly needed a crutch to support her spineless character.

It all had happened so fast; Regina’s hand had connected with Emma’s face, sending her stumbling backwards from the force of it. Emma, being the strong-willed woman that she was, struck back even harder. Regina was no longer her wife. In Emma’s eyes, she was simply seen as someone Emma needed to protect herself against.

Regina had felt awful; it brought back the memories of seeing her parents quarrel over such insignificant things. She always told herself she would never be like her mother. She would find love that was pure and true, and they would live out the rest of their lives peacefully.

But now Emma didn’t even hesitate to think about what she was doing before her clenched fist hit Regina’s right eye. The two women ended up in a heap amidst the broken glass and scoffed wood floors.

Regina clutched her chest as her heart beat unrhythmically from the adrenaline. She got up without another word and went back upstairs to her room. Emma didn’t try to stop her this time.

She stared out the window at the full moon high in the sky as the bright light peeked in at her through the curtains. They couldn’t keep living like this; it wasn’t fair to their boys or themselves.

The next morning was unusually quiet. Regina strolled into the kitchen with layers of makeup caked on to hide her swollen eye. Emma sat at the table with a cup of coffee, sunglasses perched on her nose.

Roland stayed silent as he helped himself to a bowl of cereal. It was a little odd since the boy usually engaged them in animated conversations about the dreams he had the night before. Today his lips were sealed.

Meanwhile, Henry stomped around the kitchen, slamming cabinets open and attempting to be as noisy possible.

 “Would you keep it down?” Emma grumbled as she touched her throbbing head. “Why should I? You two sure didn’t last night,” the boy fired back as he threw a couple pop tarts into the toaster.

Emma’s mouth clamped shut and she stuck the newspaper she was holding further up to her face.

“We didn’t mean to wake you,” Regina said. Henry turned to face her. “I’m sure you didn’t.”

“Henry Daniel Mills don’t you talk to me like that,” the dark-haired woman scolded her oldest son.

“Why shouldn’t I? You let Ma talk to you like that. I’m sick of this! You two are constantly fighting, and when you’re not you just act like everything is fine when it’s clearly not. Do you want to know where Roland and I slept last night? In my closet because we were afraid one of you would take it too far and we’d wake up to find one of you dead. Roland is petrified to sleep alone now!”

Those words cut Regina deep. They were honest, and that’s why it hurt so much. She had no idea it had gotten to this point to where her sons didn’t even feel safe in their own home. It reminded her of all the times she would hide underneath her bed as a child when her parent’s arguing became too much to handle. That little nook had become her safe space.

“Why don’t you just get divorced if you hate each other so much?” Henry snapped before grabbing his breakfast and his little brother’s hand. “Come on Roland, we have to leave now to make it to the bus on time.”

When the kids left, Regina sat down at the table across from her wife. Looking over at her, Emma seemed more like a stranger now than a companion. All the passion, the fire, the love between them had faded away. Now they simply shared their love for their sons.

They both knew it wasn’t going to be easy when they took their friendship to the next level. Emma knew that Robin had asked Regina to take care of Roland if anything were to happen to him, and Regina knew that Emma was going to continue risking her life for the town no matter how much Regina despised it.

But perhaps the biggest obstacle of them all was the physical one hanging right over their heads. Regina’s heart.

For most of her 34 years that she’d lived, Regina had struggled with her health. Diagnosed at the tender age of 1 with coarctation of the aorta, Regina was kept sheltered and isolated by her parents. As she grew older, the disease progressed into congestive heart failure. Her heart wasn’t strong enough to pump blood as it should be.

Although the doctors were able to repair the most critical issue, Regina was always at risk for other problems. She was on multiple medications, and she was required to have biweekly check-ins with her doctor.

 She was told she would never have children, that if she became pregnant she would most likely die, as would the baby. She would most likely not live past the age of 50, 60 if she was lucky. Her parents scrambled to put her on a donor list; bribing whomever they could to ensure their precious daughter would be well again.

However, as the years crawled by and the medical expenses increased, Regina’s name was moved farther and farther down the list. She knew she was the cause of her parent’s fights; they couldn’t afford to raise a sick child and the worry of her well-being tore them apart.

Eventually, Cora and Henry divorced. Henry moved out of the town and out of their lives, occasionally sending Regina a care package or a birthday card every so often. Cora threw herself into her job, quickly moving up in the city council and becoming mayor. Regina was often left alone aside from the daily visits from her tutor.

Emma had known this even before they had started dating. Regina had warned her of the problems she came with early on. Emma had simply smiled and taken her hand, ensuring her that Henry was the only child she needed.

Regina was so thankful that Emma and Henry had come into her life; she was 19 and an assistant to her mother at town hall when Emma Swan had breezed in with her infant son. The two had connected almost instantly, and married a year later.

They weathered through the storms of life; Henry having to get his appendix removed, Regina’s heart scares, Emma’s father passing followed by Regina’s mother. They had held on and promised to never let go no matter what came their way.

Just when life was beginning to mellow out, the family was turned upside down once more. Robin- Regina’s lifetime friend- had passed due to a heart attack. They had met in the hospital when they were both getting treatment at age 3 and had been best friends ever since.

Regina had been a bridesmaid at his wedding, and whole-heartedly supported him when his wife Marian passed.

The news was shocking, as Robin had been doing much better. The doctors had slowly been weaning him off the medication even, so he could lead a more normal life with his young son. But the strain on his heart had been too much, and Roland was left orphaned.

Regina didn’t hesitate to adopt the boy, and Emma had been supportive of her decision. But now it seemed it was also one of the reasons she had come to resent her.

“I’m going to be home late tonight. Lots of paperwork to do,” Emma said as she stood and slipped her jacket on. Regina nodded in answer and sipped on her cup of tea.

It was a lie, and they both knew it. Just as Emma was turning to leave, Regina stopped her.

“We can’t keep doing this, Emma. It isn’t fair to the boys. They deserve to be happy and we can’t let our fighting become a normal part of this family.”

Sadly, it already was. It was a never-ending cycle of feeding on each other’s pain while Henry and Roland were stuck in the middle.

“I’ll check in later,” was Emma’s only response before she left Regina alone. And so they went on with their normal day.

“Your heart is getting worse, Regina,” Dr. Whale informed her at her next checkup. “The medications are slowly wearing off, and if you keep working the way you do, your heart will fail completely. You need to cut back.”

What was she supposed to do? Wait up late into the night for her loving wife to come home? Have a cold dinner plate set out waiting? Working was the only thing that was keeping her sane, aside from her sons. The thought of facing what their marriage had become was more painful than her heart was.

“You have poor blood circulation. Your blood pressure is rising and you’re becoming tired faster, right?”

Regina slowly nodded. She couldn’t deny the toll this was taking on her body. She barely had the energy to climb up the staircase each night, let alone help Roland practice for his soccer game or bike ride with Henry.

Whale jotted something down on his notepad. “I’m giving you a prescription for Cozaar. It will help with your blood pressure. Make sure to keep hydrated and keep the salt to a minimum. I would also advise you to take a couple days off to rest, but I doubt you’ll take that advice.”

Regina opened her mouth to defend herself, but stopped when the man winked and smiled. “I’m sure Emma will take good care of you.”

Surprisingly, Emma was home in time for dinner that night. For the first time in a long time, it was just the two of them. Henry was staying over at a friend’s, and Roland was on a camping trip with his boy scout group. It was officially the weekend, and for the next two days they would have to live being around each other.

“Lasagna’s done,” Regina called softly into the study. Emma followed her to the kitchen and silently dished up. “Wine?” The dark-haired woman offered.

“I’m cutting back,” Emma answered as a ghost of a smile appeared before she became distant again.

Regina took the seat across from her and tried to ignore the tension between them. Emma finally broke the silence.

“Working extra hours this weekend?”

Regina swallowed and shook her head. “Um, no. Whale advised me to take a few days off. My heart- “

Emma set down her fork and folded her hands together. Although she might not listen to Regina as often as she would like, when it came to her health she gave all her attention. The worry in her eyes showed a glimpse of the woman she had fallen in love with, and despite the serious situation, Regina was glad to have an excuse to see that again.

“The medication is weakening, and my blood pressure is a little high. It’s fine- “

Emma threw her napkin down on her plate, apparently having lost her appetite. “See, _this_ is why I have such an issue with you working so much. You’re putting your own health behind this town. Our sons would like to see you watch them graduate.”

 _Tell that to your liver_ , Regina almost said but bit her tongue at the last second. Emma had a point there.

Regina stood and began to clear the dishes. She wasn’t going to make a mountain out of a mole hill. Her chest tightened, and the pain caused the dishes she was holding to clatter into the sink.

She was surprised to feel Emma’s hands on her shoulders. “Hey,” the blonde said as she gently turned her around.

Tears filled Regina’s eyes as she felt the wall she had built inside her loosen. Emma took her hand and kissed it, exactly as she had the first night Regina had confessed to her the severity of her condition.

“You’re not alone. I’m here, and I love you. No matter what we’ve been through, we can fix this. We can fix _us_.”

Regina wanted to believe it was true. Looking into Emma’s eyes, she saw home. She saw her wife. Her lover. Her friend. But that seed of doubt that had been planted in her mind the first-time Emma had come home drunk had grown, and she just couldn’t let herself be fooled again. She’s heard these apologies before.

“I’m sorry.” Emma’s voice cracked as tears spilled down her cheeks. “I’ll try to be better. I won’t drink and I’ll come home on time and I’ll treat you like a Queen.”

The blonde knelt and looked up at her, pleading silently for another chance. Regina slowly pulled away from her.

“Emma…” Her voice wavered, and she bit her lip and looked away to regain her composure. “This isn’t working anymore. We don’t _love_ each other. We wouldn’t be treating each other so terribly if we did.”

The woman’s eyes rested upon the large bruise peeking out from the blonde’s tank top. It was because of her it was there. The pain in her wife’s eyes was her fault too. Emma deserved better.

Emma quickly stood and cradled Regina’s face in her hand, stroking her thumb over the faded bruise next to her eye. Taking a deep breath, the blonde leaned in and pressed her forehead to Regina’s. The two stood there for a moment, savoring the intimacy of being so close. Regina had almost forgotten what it felt like.

“I just want you to be happy. I want our sons to be happy. So I’ll wait as long as it takes to get you back. I will earn your love again. Please just don’t give up on us yet. Not yet,” Emma whispered as tears fell from her eyes.

Regina brought her face up to wipe away her wife’s tears. This wasn’t all Emma’s fault. They both were to blame. “I’m sorry too,” she said softly.

And for the first time in a long time, Emma smiled. It was a sad smile, but it was there. It was a promise.

The front door opening pulled them both back from their moment. They both pulled back from each other as Henry came into the kitchen. “Hey moms, I forgot my- “

The boy stopped himself as he realized that both of his mothers were crying. “What’s going on?” He asked, his voice guarded.

Regina put a smile on her face and shook her head. “Nothing, dear. What did you forget?”

“Just my inhaler. Lee wants to go skateboarding tomorrow so I figured I’d walk back home and get it. Are you two okay?”

Worry hit the boy full force as he saw his mothers had their hands entwined. They hadn’t done that in months. “Mom. Is it your heart again?”

Regina pulled away from Emma to comfort her son. “No, my love. Everything is fine. Now go have fun with your friend. We’ll see you Sunday,” she answered as she pressed a kiss to the top of the boy’s head.

Henry nodded and hugged Emma goodbye before leaving the two alone again.

“I do love you, you know,” Emma said quietly from her spot.

“I know,” Regina said in a whisper before heading upstairs to their room. Somehow she knew Emma wouldn’t be joining her tonight, despite the heart-felt conversation they just had. She was oddly thankful for it.

Emma sighed as she entered the bedroom she had been occupying for a while now. She had meant every word during their long conversation. She had screwed up, and she truly wanted to fix things. Regina had seemed forgiving, yet she didn’t.

Emma didn’t blame her. She had been a complete asshole this past year. Every time she looked into Regina’s eyes and saw that purple bruise, she wanted to kick herself. How could she even think to do something like that? Regina was her wife. She was her whole world.

And it scared her to know that Regina sounded so certain when she had said they didn’t loved each other anymore. But she was also right. What they were doing, it wasn’t love. It was surviving. Trying to stay strong for their sons.

The blonde twisted the silver wedding ring off her finger and tucked it underneath her pillow like she did every night. Regina always got irritated at her for doing that; it could easily get lost in the bedding and end up in the laundry or get eaten by their goofball cat.

But to Emma, sleeping with the ring underneath her head gave her comfort. When she pulled it out every single morning, it reminded her that she had something worth fighting for. Something worth living for.

So many times, she wanted to give up and throw in the towel. Say fuck it and end it all. The crushing weight of sorrows became so heavy it was hard to stay afloat. So she would drink to end it but the cycle would start over again when she came back home to the broken family she had.

But she was going to follow through this time. She had to if she wanted to keep her family.

And for the next few weeks, everything started looking up. The boys were a lot happier, Regina was more communicative and relaxed as she lightened her work load, and Emma had stopped drinking altogether for fear of falling back into that dark place in her mind and breaking her promise.

Even Regina’s condition seemed to get better. Emma attended her appointments with her now, being the supportive wife that Regina deserved to have. And when Emma slipped into the woman’s bed late one night after having a disturbing dream, Regina didn’t object.

But just like every good thing in Emma’s life, it didn’t last.

 


	2. Chapter 2

Regina knelt in front of the gravestones, two white roses in her hand. “Hi, Robin,” she said softly as she set one flower on top of Robin’s and Marian’s gravestones. She made it a weekly habit to come out and visit her old friend but with all that had happened, she’d skipped coming these past few weeks.

“Sorry I haven’t visited in a while. Things are kind of hectic back home. Although I’m sure you already know that,” the woman laughed humorlessly as she stared at the ring on her finger.

How meaningless it seemed now. A marriage is about two people loving and supporting each other through life, a bond of unity that intertwines two souls until death. It’s about seeing each other as equals and treating each other with respect. They were way past respect now.

“I just don’t know what to do anymore,” Regina spoke as tears filled her eyes. The new bruise on her ribs served as a painful reminder that things were never going to go back to how they used to be. “My health is getting worse again, and Emma… I hurt her. I didn’t _mean_ to, but things just escalated and- “

The woman choked up and squeezed her eyes shut. “I don’t know how to begin to fix this.”

“Mama ‘Gina?”

The raven-haired woman turned to see her youngest son approaching, two dandelions stuck in his little fists that he had insisted on saving in his room since that summer. Apparently, he had had the same idea as her. She reached her arms out and drew him onto her lap, laying her chin on his shoulder and inhaling his boyish scent.

“Do you miss Daddy? Is that why you’re crying?” The boy asked. “Yes. Yes I do,” Regina answered. Roland gave her a reassuring smile and put the weeds on top of each gravestone.

“What are you doing out here, Roland? Wasn’t Mom supposed to take you to therapy?” The woman asked. The boy shrugged and looked at the ground. Regina lightly grasped his chin and forced him to meet her eyes. “Did you run away from therapy again?”

The little boy sighed and twisted around to face her. “I wanted to see Daddy,” he answered honestly.

Regina wrapped the boy in her arms and stood up, staring at the white snowflakes drifting around them. Poor Roland felt alone in the world, just like she did. Only, her son shouldn’t be feeling like this. If she hadn’t been fighting with Emma, she would have realized this.

“I really should take you back to therapy, but I guess I’ll let it slide. No more running away, got it?” Regina lectured her son as she began to walk back to the therapist’s office where Emma was waiting. The little boy nodded against her shoulder.

“Mama can we go ice skating?!” Roland asked excitedly as he pointed to the pond in the park that had frozen over. Regina shook her head. “It isn’t cold enough yet, buddy. Winter just started.”

The boy looked so forlorn at her answer that it saddened her. He rarely asked for things and when he did it was usually for something small. It might have just been her guilt talking, but Regina found herself giving in.

“We can’t go ice skating, but I think there’s just enough snow to make snow angels. What do you think about that?”

Roland jumped from her arms and landed on his back on top of the powdery snow. Regina couldn’t help the smile that appeared on her face. It was the little things like this that helped her cling to the shred of hope she held onto like a lifeline.

The woman laid down onto the snow next to her son and started making her own snow angel. She laughed at how ridiculous she must have looked; she was the town mayor and here she was dirtying her freshly pressed clothing.

‘Well, it looks like you two are enjoying yourselves.”

Regina looked up from the boy who was tickling her to see Emma had joined them. Her smile faded as she sat up. “Sorry for keeping you waiting. Roland found me and we took a small detour back to the office,” she said.

Emma knelt in front of her, brushing some snow out of her dark tresses. Regina gave a cry of surprise as the blonde pushed her back into the snow with a playful smile. Roland made a disgusted sound as Emma leaned in to kiss her

Regina smiled against Emma’s mouth as she reciprocated the kiss. Emma pulled back, her nose becoming red from the cold. “I knew where Roland had gone so I decided to surprise you both. Picked up some hot chocolate.”

Regina wiped a snowflake from the blonde’s cheek. It had been so long since they had acted like this. Goofy, happy, _normal_. She knew it was an act of forgiveness. She leaned upwards and for the first time in a long time she was the one to initiate the kiss.

“I’m sorry,” the dark-haired woman whispered as Emma pulled back. “I know,” Emma said softly.

“Moms look at me!” Roland yelled.

The two women pulled away from each other to see their son had ran onto the frozen pond. Emma pulled Regina to her feet. “Get off of the pond, Roland! It’s too thin!” Regina called as she ran to the edge of the frozen water.

The boy started to do what she told him, but a low rumble underneath the ice stopped him. “I’ll get him,” Regina said as she stepped forward. Emma stopped her. “It’s too dangerous for us to go out there. The ice will break even faster.”

“Mama what do I do?” Roland called. “My shoes are getting wet!”

“One foot at a time, Roland! Move slowly!” Emma instructed. Regina stared at the blue cracks that were slowly moving towards the boy. “Emma we have to get him out of there. The ice is breaking!” The woman said as she tried not to panic.

Emma slowly stepped onto the ice with her arms outstretched. Roland took one step forward before plummeting into the ice-cold water. He cried out just before his head went under.

 Regina ran forward, ignoring Emma’s warning. All she knew was her son needed help. The ice broke underneath her feet and she fell in the same spot Roland had.

Immediately she felt pain. The water was so cold it stung her body. Her heart began to beat at an erratic pace as she began to lose oxygen. She looked around in the murky water to see Roland floating below her. The boy didn’t know how to swim and had fallen unconscious despite being under water for a minute from the shock.

She grabbed the boy and with all her strength pulled him up to what she thought was the surface. Only the hole she had fallen through wasn’t there. She beat at the ice with her bare hand, struggling to hold Roland at the same time. If she didn’t get up to the surface soon, they both would die.

* * *

 

Emma crawled onto the ice on her hands and knees. Her brain screamed at her to jump in there and help her family, but she knew if she fell in she could very well kill all three of them. It had been at least 2 minutes since they had gone under, and they wouldn’t have long left before they passed out from lack of oxygen.

She reached the hole they had fallen through and struggled to see in. “Hey! Get off the ice! It’s too dangerous to be out there!” A voice yelled.

The blonde looked back to see the owner of the pawnshop Mr. Gold standing at the edge of the pond. “Please help me! My wife and son fell through!” She yelled. The man pulled out his cell phone and dialed what she assumed was 911.

Suddenly, a dark spot below the ice a few feet away caught her attention. Careful not to put too much pressure, the woman crawled over to the spot. She slammed her fist onto the frozen surface, creating a small hole. She hit it again, ignoring the rumbling indicating the ice below was about to fall through.

This time, she was able to see a hand. It was Regina’s. Emma grabbed a hold of it just as another person joined her on the ice. It was the pawnshop owner. He hit the ice with his cane, creating a large enough hole to pull them through.

Emma grabbed Regina’s arms and used all her strength to pull her up. The woman gasped for air as she held on tightly to their son. Gold helped Emma get the two to shore where Emma stripped her coat and wrapped it around the boy as he awakened.

“Is he okay? Em- Emma is Roland o- okay?” Regina stammered.

Emma moved to help her wife, putting her hand against the woman’s chest to feel it beating rapidly and unevenly. “Regina, does your chest hurt?”

Regina shook her head and reached her arms out for their son. “It’s f- fine Emma.”

Emma pulled Roland into her arms and tried to warm his shaking body. As she turned back to Regina, she noticed she had fallen unconscious. “Regina?” She cried as she tried to wake her up.

The ambulance soon arrived and they were taken to the hospital. Emma’s mother was there with Henry by her side to greet them. “Is everyone okay? What happened?” The woman asked as she watched a team of doctors take Regina back on a gurney.

Emma hugged her mother tightly as tears threatened to burst forth. “Roland was playing on the frozen pond and he fell through. Regina tried to save him but they both ended up trapped. Roland’s okay, they warmed him up in the ambulance but Regina- “

She caught sight of her oldest son as he listened to her. The poor kid looked like he was going to cry. Emma hugged him tightly and was rather surprised when he hugged her back.

“Mom is going to be okay,” she reassured him. Henry didn’t say anything back, only responding by hugging her tighter.

Dr. Whale interrupted the family moment with the delivery of Roland and some news. The little boy was bundled up in a wheel chair, covered in soft blankets.

“They gave me heated blankets, Mom!” He said excitedly. His happiness faded as he realized Regina wasn’t among them. “Where’s Mama ‘Gina?”

Emma crouched down to hug him and wipe away the tears that had fallen down his face. “Mama is a fighter. She’ll be okay, buddy.”

Whale handed Emma some paperwork to fill out. “Regina is stable. She’s doing well, and after a few hours she’ll be cleared to go home. Right now, we’re just keeping her warm and making sure her heart rate stays under control,” he explained.

“Why did she fall unconscious? She was awake when we pulled her out,” Emma asked. “Same as Roland. The shock of the water. Only, it affected her heart and her blood pressure skyrocketed.”

The doctor pulled her aside away from the rest of the family. “Regina is doing okay now, but it’s only a matter of time before her health catches up with her. She was very very lucky this time. She needs a new heart, Miss Swan.”

Emma fought back a flood of tears as she entered Regina’s room. Her wife looked so pale and little hooked up to all those machines and wrapped in blankets. She looked so unlike the woman she had married. Guilt clouded her mind as she realized she was part of the problem.

The blonde took a seat next to her bedside and lightly grasped her hand. Regina’s eyes opened and a small smile settled upon her face as she recognized the woman next to her.

“How’s our son?” She asked. “Perfect. Mom’s taking care of him. How are you?” Emma said.

Regina’s smile faded. “I’m getting worse, aren’t I?”

Emma immediately crawled into the bed and cupped Regina’s face in her hands. “You’re going to be okay. We’ve been through this before, haven’t we? We’ll just have to steer clear of frozen ponds from now on,” she tried to lighten the mood.

Regina tried to smile, but the fear shone brightly in her eyes. And before she knew it, she was clutching Emma and sobbing. “I’m scared, Emma.”

Emma’s heart broke as she tried to console her wife. She was never good with comforting people. When her father passed, she had been awkward around her heartbroken mother and Regina had finally stepped in to take care of the woman.

Regina had gently assured her that she was hurting too, she was simply in shock because of how sudden it was (the man had died in a car accident in a rainstorm).

And when Regina’s mother had passed, Emma had simply given Regina her space and took over taking care of the boys for a while. Although she wasn’t so good with words, just being there seemed to be enough.

“I’m scared of dying, of leaving our boys behind, of not being good enough for this town. Of- of losing you,” the dark-haired woman confessed.

Emma shook her head and held her closer. “You haven’t lost me, Regina. You’re going to get better and you’ll be here for our boys. Just- let me take care of you now.”

* * *

 “Well you’ve certainly gotten better at making tea. Not as good as mine, but still,” Regina teased Emma as she sipped on a cup of tea.

Emma had been waiting on her hand and foot since she got out of the hospital, refusing to let her do anything that might strain her since the doctor had put her on bed rest. It was certainly a nice change.

“Reminds me of our honeymoon,” Emma commented. Regina nearly choked on her tea as a laugh erupted from her throat. “It was your idea to go to Mexico, dear.”

“And it was you who trusted the hotel manager when he said that the water was good enough to drink,” Emma fired back as her nose scrunched up the way it did when she was happy. Regina smiled and booped her on the nose. “At least I didn’t live on margaritas and street tacos, Swan.”

“It’s been Mills for a while now,” Emma corrected her as she laid by her side and turned on the chick flick movie Regina had been wanting to see. “Oh, by the way, Roland gave me this for you just before Mom picked the kids up for the weekend.”

Regina smiled at the homemade card that was adorned with purple crayon and glitter glue. The scribbled letters read ‘ _I love you more than ice cream_.’

The woman chuckled and set it aside before allowing her head to rest on top of Emma’s. Her breathing hitched as she saw the stitches right behind her ear as a result of last week’s fight. Without thinking, she brushed her thumb across the wounded area.

Emma turned her head away from the screen to look up at her. The question that was on the tip of her own tongue was in the blonde’s eyes. “Do you really think we’re going to be okay, Emma?”

The younger woman turned around to face her, straddling her waist now. “I don’t know,” she admitted.

Regina looked at her in surprise. Usually Emma was the more optimistic one when discussing their marriage. “What do you think we should do about it?” The raven-haired woman questioned.

Emma stayed silent for a few moments, staring down at her hands and fidgeting them. It was the same reaction she’d had to having to ask Cora if she could marry her daughter. Finally, her forest green eyes met Regina’s.

The blonde gently pushed the older woman’s shirt just above her belly button and kissed the bruise there. “I think we take it day by day. Our therapy starts Monday, and we can sort through what we need to. But for now, let’s just- _be_ , okay?”

Regina nodded and pulled the woman back against her chest. She felt a vibration against her chest as Emma chuckled against her. “I will never grow tired of hearing that sound,” her wife whispered.

Regina placed a kiss on the woman’s forehead and tried not to worry about the fact that she may not have long left. “I hope you never do,” she whispered back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there! Hope you enjoyed the chapter. Reviews would be lovely as they tend to motivate me ^_^


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is going to be solely focused on Emma and Regina’s past, so expect some fluff and sweet moments! I gotta mix it up somehow, I don’t want this story to be too depressing.

“Emma, wait up!” Regina squealed as she ran after the blonde.

 Emma simply laughed and kicked off her heels. Emma’s parents had volunteered to watch baby Henry for the night so the young women could go have some fun. It had only been a month since Emma had arrived in their town, but Regina could already consider her a best friend.

The woman one year shy of her young age of 19 brought life to their little town. She was mischievous and fun and kind, and she understood Regina so well. It was almost like they were two odd pieces of a puzzle that somehow fit together.

“Catch me if you can!” Emma yelled over her shoulder and stripped off the expensive dress she was wearing before running to the dock ahead of them and jumping into the freezing cold water.

Regina laughed and shook her head at the young woman before following suit. If her mother knew about this she would kill her. Just imagine: the mayor’s daughter gallivanting around town and skinny-dipping with the new arrival. That would make news headlines for sure.

The women swam for a little while before Emma spotted a small row boat that was loosely tied to the docks. “Wanna go for a little ride?” The blonde asked, wiggling her eyebrows up and down with a shit-eating grin plastered on her face.

“My mother would kill me if she found out! That’s not our boat!” Regina whispered loudly, afraid of a late-night boater hearing them.

“Come on, ‘Gina. Live a little! I just had a baby, I want to feel normal again!” Emma pleaded.

Regina had no choice but to give in. Who could say no to that adorable face?

They both put their clothes back on and climbed into the old boat. It rocked and nearly sent them both back into the water. But they soon steadied themselves and rowed to the middle of the lake.

“It’s so beautiful out here,” Regina commented as she stared up into the starry night sky. “See? Aren’t you glad I brought you out here?” Emma asked, lightly nudging her.

Regina looked over at the blonde, admiring how her golden hair gleamed in the moonlight and her skin glowed. Even her eyes were sparkling. Quickly, she shoved the thoughts away. Regina Mills liking a girl? That would be the end of her she was sure if her mother were to find out.

Cora was very dead set on believing that men and women belonged together. She had assured Regina that she would love her no matter what and Regina believed that, but her mother also didn’t believe in grey areas. Everything was strictly black and white, there was no in-between.

The thought of women with other women disgusted her, and Regina knew that. So, she had buried her feelings inside her where no one could find them. She wanted to please her mother. She couldn’t bear the thought of her mother being repulsed by her, so she stuck with the straight and narrow.

But now it seemed those feelings she had been trying to fight were resurfacing.

“What is it? Do I have something on my face?” Emma asked with a smile.

Regina smiled and shook her head. Apparently, no one had ever looked at Emma that way before. “It’s nothing. I was just- spacing off.”

“I know a thing or two about that,” Emma said, propping her feet up on the wooden bench next to Regina. “When I was in labor with Henry I had an epidural and they had to remind me to push. I was out of it,” she chuckled.

“What was it like?” Regina asked curiously. She had never met a teen mother before as their little town didn’t have a lot of children. Certainly not any like Emma.

“It’s… intense. Very painful and tiring. For 9 months, you basically feel like a stuffed turkey. Your feet swell, your back aches, you throw up every morning. But then when it’s all over and you have this little being in your arms it makes it all worth it. Because you now have someone that _needs_ you, someone that will love you unconditionally,” Emma said.

“How did your parents react when they found out?” Regina asked.

“They were… well, my dad was pissed. He wanted me to give the baby up for adoption, he wouldn’t let me see my boyfriend at the time… it was difficult living with him. My mom was a lot nicer about the whole thing. She was upset, but she knew that there was no use fighting over it. I was already pregnant. She was really supportive.”

“Your dad seems to be okay with it now,” Regina said, thinking of how the man had acted with the baby when she went over to pick Emma up.

“Oh, yeah he loves Henry now. Got him wrapped around his finger. He’s a sucker for babies, though. And Henry’s little pudgy face makes his heart melt.”

Emma nudged the raven-haired girl with her foot. “So, what about you? What is life like being the mayor’s kid?”

“Honestly, pretty boring. I finished high school a few years early so I could work with my mother at the office. I’m taking a couple college courses online to study law and government, and… that’s about it.”

“Really? No parties? No small-town kid get-togethers with bonfires and fireworks? No causing chaos and getting grounded for months?” Emma asked.

Regina shook her head. “Everything around here is pretty mellow. Although there was this one time my friend and I found this- never mind.”

That caught Emma’s attention. She sat straight up and her green eyes sparked with interest. “You can’t leave me hanging, ‘Gina! It has to be good if you’re afraid to talk about it.”

Regina fidgeted with her hands. If she told Emma there was no doubt the girl would want to go check it out. It was bad enough the first time they got caught, if they were to get caught again…

“Well, a friend of mine I went to school with was spending the night at my house. My mother was out of town doing some sort of council meeting and my friend convinced me to go to the woods. There were rumors that the woods were haunted; old wives’ tales that scared the kids of the town. So, we went and we ended up finding an old elevator that led to the mines.”

“Well? Did you go down there?” Emma asked excitedly. “No, we were caught by the sheriff before we could. My mother grounded me for a long time,” Regina said. Emma frowned. “Well that’s no fun.”

Then she jumped forward so fast the boat nearly tipped. Regina held on for dear life, not wanting to get her clothes wet.

“Let’s go to the elevator! We can go down into the mines and check it out!” The blonde said as she began rowing back to shore. “Emma, we can’t. The elevator is old and the mines could be dangerous!” Regina said as an uneasy feeling came over her.

“It’ll be fine. I’ve been in mines before. At least now you can’t get in trouble from your mother. You’re an adult,” Emma coaxed her. _Oh, she could still get into trouble, all right._

But she found herself agreeing to this crazy plan. Because Regina Mills was feeling something for this young girl.

“It looks safe enough,” Emma commented as she stepped onto the platform of the elevator. The rusty metal creaked and swayed as it struggled to hold her weight. “Okay, step on. Then I’ll lower us down,” Emma said.

Regina hesitantly climbed on beside the blonde. They began to lower themselves only to have the elevator stop halfway down. “Damn it! It’s too old,” Emma cursed and tugged harder. The platform collapsed and tilted to the side, catching on the wall before it could fall to the ground.

The young women were lurched forward, and Regina squeezed her eyes shut as she was thrown off the elevator. She heard a loud crack as she hit the ground hard and pain shot through her right leg.

“Regina!” Emma called from up above. “Are you okay?”

“I think my leg may be broken!” Regina answered. “Okay, just hang on! I’m coming to get you!” Emma reassured her.

With a few mumbled curse words, the blonde reached the mine floor with a dull thud. Regina forced her eyes open as Emma came over to inspect her. “Yeah, that’s definitely broken, all right. We just have to find something to make a splint and then I’ll get us out of here,” the younger woman said.

“My mother is going to kill me,” Regina groaned as Emma looked around for something to support her bad leg with. “Not if I can help it. You’re clumsy enough Regina, I think she’ll believe you fell down a flight of stairs,” the blonde reassured her.

Eventually, she found a piece of twine and two sturdy pieces of wood. Regina grit her teeth and tried not cry out in pain. It was nearly impossible; every time Emma jostled her bad leg it sent a fresh wave of pain coursing through her.

“How are we supposed to get back up?” Regina asked as she looked up at the 20 feet above them leading out.

“Well, it just so happened I have been training for the police academy basically my whole life until Henry came along. In our old house my dad built a rock wall for me on the side of the garage. Climbed it every single day with a backpack that weighed more than I did.”

The young woman crouched in front of Regina, her back facing her. “Climb on.”

“Emma I- maybe we should just try to find another way. Or yell for help,” the raven-haired teen said nervously. “There _is_ no other way, Regina. I can hold you, I promise.” Emma hoisted the woman onto her back before standing.

Regina clung to her like a koala, arms wrapped around her neck and her good leg wrapped around her waist. It wasn’t so much that she was worried about Emma dropping her, but rather she being the reason for Emma to get hurt as well. Without a harness or a rope, they both could easily fall to their deaths.

Emma confidently grabbed a hold of the large rocks with her hands and stepped up. The pace was slow but steady with the only light coming from the moon above, and with a couple of near misses they were at the top.

The blonde gently set Regina down on the grass, her body covered in a sheen of sweat. Regina couldn’t help but admire her muscled arms and reddened cheeks. She was absolutely breathtaking.

Emma turned to face her with a smile, panting as she wiped her palms on her ruined dress. “Told you I could,” she said cheekily. “You were… _amazing_ ,” Regina said with a smile as she felt her heart skip a beat.

“What are friends for?” Emma said with a twinkle in her eye.

Soon, Regina was forced on bed rest. The doctors had to go in and operate right away, putting screws into the joint to support the leg and help her recover faster. Cora seemed to buy the story of Regina tripping and falling down the stairs, so thankfully she was in the clear.

But Regina’s injury didn’t stop Cora from neglecting her work. After she had made some breakfast for her daughter and given her a pain pill, it was back to work.

Normally, Regina would be upset that her mother had chosen her work over her daughter once again, but this time she wasn’t. She had Emma to keep her company.

“Hey, gimp!” The blonde greeted her as she walked into her room with Henry and gift basket in tow.  “I hope you don’t mind; your mom let me in as she was leaving. I think she feels better knowing someone is here looking after you.”

 _I sure do_ , Regina thought. “I brought you some goodies from my parents. You’ve got junk food, magazines, a cute little teddy bear, movies, you name it.”

“Thank you, Emma,” Regina said warmly. The words sounded a little incoherent since the pain pill was starting to kick in, but the blonde seemed to understand.

“Henry wanted to see you.” Emma set the cooing and squirmy baby on the bed next to her. Regina giggled as the baby grabbed her pointer finger and began to gnaw on it. He was only 3 months old, but he was very advanced in development.

“Well, let’s see the damage,” Emma said as she pulled back the bed covers to reveal Regina’s leg covered up to her thigh in plaster and purple gauze.

Regina noticed the blonde’s demeanor change. Her eyes looked sad, and she gently touched the cast. “I’m really sorry you got hurt. I guess I wasn’t thinking when I suggested we find that elevator.”

Regina reached a hand out to her friend. “It’s not your fault. I went along with it. Besides, you got me out. Without you I probably would have died down there.”

“You would never have gotten hurt in the first place,” Emma mumbled, unconvinced.

Regina tugged at the blonde’s arm, ignoring the strain it was putting on her bad leg. Emma sat on the bed next to her. “It’s okay. Really, Emma. Hanging out with you this past month has been amazing. You make me feel so… _alive_ ,” the older girl reassured her.

Emma smiled and plucked a sharpie from the gift basket. “Mind if I give you my autograph?”

“Have at it.” Regina motioned to her leg.

The blonde spent a good hour drawing on the cast, using multiple colors and making sure to face them towards Regina so she could read the drawings while lying in bed. Regina couldn’t help but notice the heart she put next to her name at the bottom.

“It’s gonna take me all summer to read that,” the dark-haired woman teased as Emma finished. “Well it’s a good thing you’re on bed rest for the rest of the summer,” Emma tossed back.

Regina wasn’t sure if it was the pain pills or if it was just a trick of the light, but Emma looked as if she was bathed in a soft white glow. It framed her face and illuminated her golden curls.

Slowly she leaned forward and pressed her lips to the blonde’s. It was perfect; their lips seemed to fit together just right. It was a memorable first kiss. She was glad she waited to have her first kiss with Emma.

The impatient and longing feelings of being untouched and alone vanished. Emma kissed her back, and her head gently bumped against the wooden headboard behind her as the younger woman cupped her face with her soft hand.

Suddenly, Regina didn’t care that her mother was against same-sex people being together. She was no longer worried about pleasing Cora, but now wanted to please Emma the best she could.

It wasn’t instantaneous, the way she felt towards Emma. It was a slow burn that became more powerful over time. She wasn’t in love quite yet, but she definitely felt a connection. One that would only continue to grow as the years rolled by.

Henry broke their kiss as he let out a little mewl and began to cry. On instinct, Regina picked him up in her arms. For some reason, the baby always quieted down when she held him.

“I could get used to this,” Emma said as she laid her head on the older girl’s chest.

Regina felt her heart skip unevenly at the action. She wanted to tell Emma about her heart condition, but she didn’t want to ruin a moment as perfect as this.

 “I love that sound,” Emma said quietly. “I always used to fall asleep on my parents’ chests as a kid. The sound of heartbeats calms me.”

Regina allowed her fingers to come down and lightly scratch at the blonde’s scalp, petting her hair as well. The motions lulled all three of them to sleep in minutes.

And so began the journey of Emma and Regina’s messy, difficult, and beautiful love story.

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For all my readers: You are not alone. If you or someone you know is suffering with domestic violence, then get help. Never should you be stuck in a situation like that. You are strong and you can change your situation. Just because I am writing a story about domestic violence DOES NOT mean I condone it.   
> Domestic violence hotline number for 24/7 service: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)

Regina walked in the door, throwing her keys on the table and kicking off her shoes. It was her first day back to work since she had taken time off to recover, and she had a lot of paperwork to catch up on. It wasn’t such a bad day though; she enjoyed her work. It was well past the time she normally got home, and the boys were surely asleep.

Laughter from the kitchen caught her attention. She entered the room to see Emma sitting at the counter island, a bottle of straight vodka in her hands. Their friend Ruby was also joining in with a hearty bottle of wine. And unfortunately, both were drunk off their asses.

“Hey, ‘Gina! My beautiful wifey how was work?” Emma slurred as she nearly landed flat on her face in her attempt to greet Regina.

“Fine,” Regina said in a cold tone.

It had only been a few weeks, and the blonde was already relapsing. In their therapy session, the doctor had suggested that Emma stopped drinking altogether and take an alcohol seminar he was hosting to get rid of the habit. Guess it didn’t work so well.

“I presume the boys are sleeping,” the raven-haired woman said as she pushed past her intoxicated wife to get a glass of water.

“We gave ‘em a couple bourbons. They’re lightweights,” Ruby giggled.

Regina shot her a look that could kill. She wanted to believe that Emma wouldn’t give their sons alcohol, but unfortunately when the woman became drunk every bad idea suddenly seemed fun.

“Don’ worry ‘Gina I sent them to bed on time alcohol-free,” Emma said.

Regina sighed in relief. At least the woman had a bit of sense still left in her brain. She quickly extracted the bottle from Emma’s hands and poured the liquor down the sink. Ruby must have brought the drinks, seeing as she had just cleaned out the house of all alcohol earlier that week.

It was a lot more difficult to pry the bottle from Ruby’s hands. The woman had an iron grip on the wine and she wasn’t letting go. Regina finally ripped it from her hands, the force of it nearly sending the bottle crashing to the floor.

“You are in big trouble, Miss Lucas,” Regina said as her jaw clenched. She knew better than to bring Emma alcohol. She was one of the few who knew about their quarrels.

But the threat didn’t seem to faze the brunette. “Kinky,” she giggled and winked.

Regina whipped out her cell phone to dial for the woman’s grandmother. The owner of the small diner in town would not be happy to hear about this. She was a hard-ass, and although Ruby was a grown woman (barely- she just turned 22) she tried to keep her out of trouble for the most part. It seemed Ruby couldn’t live without some form of parental supervision. Kind of like Emma.

But before she could dial the number, Ruby wrapped her arms around her waist.

“ _Please_ don’t call Granny. She’ll kill me if she finds out,” the young woman pleaded.

“Well, you’ve made the decision to be here and drink, not to mention you gave it to a recovering alcoholic. Some discipline will do you some good,” Regina said as she attempted to escape the woman’s clutches.

Ruby abruptly let her go and glared at her, mouth formed into an angry line. “I am a grown woman!”

Regina raised her eyebrows at that, cell phone still cradled in her palm. “Oh really? Because all I see is drunk teen who is throwing a fit because she can’t get her way.”

“Oh come on, ‘Gina. Don’t be such a killjoy,” Emma piped up with a small hiccup.

The older woman turned her gaze to the blonde. “We will talk later when you are sober. You really broke a bridge here, Emma. You promised you would stay clean and not even a month later we’re right back to square one!”

With those words, she began to punch in the diner phone number. “Regina please don’t be mad at Emma. This is all my fault. I reached out to her and I supplied the alcohol,” Ruby spoke.

“All due respect Miss Lucas, which I hardly have any left for you, Emma is a big girl. She made the decision to drink.” Regina hit the end button on the call as she slowly changed her mind. It wasn’t worth waking Granny up at this late hour. At least the woman was taking some responsibility, unlike her wife.

So, she led the intoxicated Ruby into the den and helped her get situated on the couch. The brunette landed with a dull thud and practically crumpled into herself. It was highly likely she wouldn’t remember any of this in the morning. That meant Regina could bitch her out twice.

After the woman had passed out, Regina went back to the kitchen to check on her wife. The blonde was leaning over the sink and groaning as she clutched her stomach. Regina’s eyes widened in horror as she realized what her wife had done.

“You _didn’t_ ,” the raven-haired woman hissed through clenched teeth.

Emma turned to look at her almost pitifully. “I forgot where the bathroom was. I mainly got it on myself,” she said as she turned to face her. The blonde’s hands and clothes were covered in vomit. Even some had gotten in her hair.

Regina averted her eyes from the drunk woman and started her breathing and counting exercises the therapist suggested. “ _One, two, three. Three, two, one. In and out_ ,” she tried to coax herself as her chest tightened.

Her little bubble was popped when Emma began retching into the sink once more. Regina stepped forward and grabbed a washcloth. Emma batted her hands away as she tried to wipe away the vomit.

“Stop it! Just stop trying to mother me, Regina. Jesus fucking Christ I can take care of myself!”

Regina kept pushing, becoming angrier by the second. She should have thought twice before acting.

Emma’s palm connected with her cheek, forcing her head to turn to the side from the force. Immediately, it felt like she was being stung by a thousand bees.

Fed up with the blonde, Regina grabbed her arm and dragged her upstairs, not caring when the blonde tripped multiple times and nearly fell flat on her ass. Emma knew better than to do this. _She_ knew better than to trust the woman again.

They reached the upstairs bathroom and Regina shoved the young woman into the bathtub fully clothed before turning the shower on full blast. The icy cold water caused Emma to shriek in surprise.

“Sober the hell up!” Regina yelled. Emma broke down in tears, sobbing as she hugged her knees to her chest. “Turn it off, Regina!” She begged as she fumbled for the handle.

“Mom?”

Regina turned towards the doorway, her anger dissipating as she saw their eldest son watching them.

“Henry,” she said tiredly as she let go of the shower handle to rub her eyes.

 “You’re fighting again.” It wasn’t a question. It was a statement that rang confidently with the truth behind them.

“Your mother- Emma- she’s- Henry, please go back to bed,” Regina stumbled over the words.

The boy crossed his arms over his chest in silent defiance. “No,” he said firmly. “I’m not going to let you keep hurting each other.”

Roland appeared beside him, peering into the bathroom with wide eyes. Regina quickly closed the curtain on Emma and turned to face them.

“Henry, please take your brother back to bed. Everything is fine.”

“No, it _fucking_ isn’t,” the teen hissed. “Stop lying, Mom! Please just once- “Henry cut himself off as tears began to well in his eyes.

When he had somewhat regained his composure, he spoke again. “I can’t keep living like this.”

Henry took Roland’s hand and sniffled as he tried to control his emotions. “We’re leaving.”

“ _What_?!” Regina said. Emma chose not to comment as her cries filled the air.

“I’m taking Roland and we’re going to live with Grandma. I won’t let my brother grow up in this toxic environment,” Henry said calmly.

“Henry please- don’t start this right now, okay? I have enough to deal with,” Regina pleaded.

Henry stepped forward right in front of her. “We want out, Mom,” he said in a softer tone.

Regina sat in silence with Emma’s cries in the background as she listened to the front door open and close. There was no way they could make it without their sons around. That was the only connection they shared and loved with every ounce of their being.

“Are you happy now?” She said to the blonde. No answer.

She promptly shut the shower off and left the blonde alone. This was it. She was done trying to deal with Emma’s behavior. She was done being abused and she also knew that she was becoming abusive as well.

Emma awoke in the bathtub, shivering in soaked clothes. She was confused as to what happened for a second, but everything from the night before slowly started to piece together in her mind.

Ignoring her throbbing head and churning stomach, she forced herself to shower and get changed. When she got downstairs, she was surprised to see Regina sitting at the kitchen table doing some paperwork. Usually she would be at the office by now.

“Hey,” Emma said quietly, going to pour herself a cup of coffee. “Are the boys at Mom’s?”

“They are. I called to check up on them.” Regina turned to face her. “Emma, we need to talk.”

Emma sat down across from her. “I know. What happened last night was unacceptable. It’s just you were working overtime again and I missed you and- “

Regina held up her hand to stop her. “I don’t want to hear any more excuses.”

The older woman looked down at the table in silence for a few minutes. Emma’s heart pounded in her chest as an uneasy feeling formed in the pit of her stomach. This wasn’t just a normal discussion.

Regina finally looked up at her before slipping her wedding ring from her finger and sliding it across the table towards her. “I can’t do this anymore. We pushed our boys away and no matter what promises we make, things will never change.”

Next, she slid over the paperwork. “I want a divorce, Emma.”

Emma felt her heart break inside of her chest. Her mouth opened and then closed as she couldn’t seem to form any words. Her mind was racing with thousands of thoughts. She hid her hands underneath the table as they began to shake.

“This wasn’t just your fault. This was both of ours. But I think seeing our own children leave us because of our problems was the last straw for me,” Regina said softly.

“We’ve gone through too much to just- to give up like this,” Emma stuttered as she fought to process her wife’s words.

“I know. And I do love you, Emma. I always will. And I promise I _will_ still be your friend. But right now, I think this is the best option for us.”

Tears filled Emma’s eyes and she blinked to force them back. “Can we just think about this for a second?” She asked softly.

“Take all the time you need. When you’re ready just sign the papers and we’ll figure things out from there. In the meantime, I think it’s best if I stayed somewhere else,” Regina said.

Emma silently watched her go. She wanted to scream at her, beg her to come back and to please give her one more chance. _I love you, damn it! How am I supposed to live without my other half?_

Warm tears spilled down her cheeks and dripped onto the papers. She had no one. She was alone again. All she ever wanted was a loving family and now she had broken apart the only one that mattered.

She spotted the wine bottle from the other night sitting on the counter. Without even thinking, she threw the bottle against the stark white cupboards. It broke open with a loud crash, and the red liquid sprayed everywhere.

Then, she collapsed to her knees sobbing. “I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m so sorry!” She cried as she held Regina’s ring in her hand.

Once she had no more tears to cry, she curled up on the wood floor and willed the pain in her heart to stop. The front door opened and closed, but Emma ignored it, knowing who it wasn’t going to be. The person she truly wanted to see had left for good.

“Emma…”

The blonde looked up to see her mother enter the kitchen. The older woman quickly threw her bag on the table and knelt beside her. “What happened?”

A choked sob escaped her throat, and she held her arms out for her mother. Mary Margaret immediately held her close and murmured sweet nothings, something she used to do when Emma was little and woke in the middle of the night screaming.

Once Emma’s sobs had turned into sniffles and her shoulders stopped shaking, Mary Margaret pulled back. “This is about what happened last night,” her mother said softly.

Emma looked up at her with wide, tear-filled eyes. “How-?’

“Henry told me. He was awake and heard everything,” her mother explained.

A small sob escaped Emma’s throat. “She left me, Mom. Regina’s gone. She- she wants a divorce. And it’s all my fault! Just because I had to be stupid and break my promise.”

“Emma…” Mary Margaret sat back against the counter with her daughter’s head in her lap. “Things don’t always work out the way you want them to. Look what happened with me and your father. We were fighting when he went out in that rainstorm and got himself killed. I can’t change that. You can’t change the past. But you _can_ change your future. Look around, sweetie.”

Emma lifted her head to see the glass shards covering the counters and floor. The red wine stained the pristine kitchen. Their family Christmas card photo was ruined, covered in the sticky liquid. They were so happy then. It seemed like forever ago. And now she knew what was wrong with the picture.

“Is this what you want for your family?” Mary Margaret asked.

“My family is gone. I don’t have any family,” the blonde said in a broken-hearted tone. “Emma Ruth Swan yes you do have a family. It’s broken, but it’s still there. Right now, you need to change yourself before you reach out to anyone else. I picked up a brochure for an alcohol rehabilitation clinic in Boston that you might be interested in,” Mary Margaret said firmly.

“Do you really think going there will help me?” Emma asked. “It’s a start,” her mother answered with a kiss to her forehead.

A few days later, Emma’s bags were packed and ready to go to the treatment center in Boston. Ruby brought the boys out to say goodbye, as Mary Margaret was driving her. Roland hugged her tightly, pressing himself as tight as he could against his mother. Emma picked him up in her arms, pressing kisses to his tear-stained cheeks.

“Why do you have to go, Mommy?” He asked sadly. Emma glanced over at Henry, who was refusing to look at her and instead stayed silent. “Mommy is going to get better.”

Henry scoffed at hearing that. Emma ignored his behavior and tried to reassure her frightened young son. “Mama ‘Gina is going to stay here to take care of you. I’ll be back before you know it,” the blonde said, giving Roland an Eskimo kiss.

The little boy nodded and kissed her gently on the cheek. Emma turned to her eldest son, but Henry refused to acknowledge her. She assumed Mary Margaret had threatened to drag him out by his ear if he didn’t come say goodbye.

“Henry- “

The boy promptly popped his headphones into his ears and took off on his skateboard. That was the end of that. Emma sighed and gave Ruby a quick hug.

“Is Regina coming to see you off?” The brunette questioned.

Emma shook her head. She thought it was best if she didn’t talk to Regina just yet. She was sure her mother would tell her soon enough where she was.

The whole drive to Boston, Emma clutched her small duffel bag and tried to forget about the divorce papers stuffed in the bottom. Regina had graciously given her time to think on it, and she would. She just couldn’t bring herself to sign them. Not yet. There was still a thread of hope she had, and she wasn’t going to let that go.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update! I was finishing another story and was a little stuck on how I wanted this chapter to go. For those of you worried about the depressing lives of our lovely ladies, don’t be. I’m pleased to say this story will have a happy ending.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Smut warning for this chapter! *  
> The smut scene will be in italics so skip over it if you’d like (although it has some background information).

***Smut warning for this chapter! ***

**The smut scene will be in italics so skip over it if you’d like (although it has some background information).**

Regina watched Emma bid their sons goodbye before climbing into the yellow bug and taking off. She had stepped out of the office to get some air after feeling like she was being smothered and had gone to Granny’s for a cup of herbal tea. She hadn’t expected to see Emma leaving.

Henry had taken off on his skateboard without even a hug goodbye, and Roland was all too reluctant to let the blonde go. Regina wondered what Emma was leaving town for. She almost felt angry for Emma leaving without telling her, then remembered that she was the one to tell her wife she wanted distance between them. Surely Emma wouldn’t be gone for too long, Regina still believed she loved their kids more than anything.

The woman couldn’t help but feel… lost, watching Emma go. It reminded her of when Emma had left to go to the police academy in Boston. She was going to be gone 2 and a half months, leaving 1-year-old Henry with her newlywed.

_“Regina, it’s only going to be a for few months,” Emma reassured her wife as she pulled up the covers on the bed. “I know. I’m just- I’m going to miss you. What will I do without you near me?” Regina pouted and folded her arms across her chest._

_Emma smiled and pulled the raven-haired woman into her arms. “Hang out with Henry and write me as many letters as possible.”_

_Regina rested her forehead against the blonde’s. “Are you sure about this, Emma? You’re only 19. What if- what if something happens to you?”_

_Emma planted a soft kiss on her wife’s lips. “Everything will be okay, Regina. I love you. Besides, just think; in a few short months, I’ll have a real uniform for us to step up our roleplaying game. Maybe even a night stick if we’re lucky,” the younger woman said with a smirk._

_“Oh, really? Well, Officer Swan, I’ve broken the law again. What are you going to do about it?” Regina teased her with a smirk and the swing of her hips._

_Emma immediately pressed her against the wall, pinning her arms above her head. “First off, you need to learn respect. It’s Officer Swan-Mills to you. Now, assume the position.”_

_Regina barely held back a delighted giggle. She loved when Emma became dominant in the bedroom. A large part of their bedroom play involved trust, and she knew it made both of them so happy when their partner fully submitted to them. She trusted Emma with her whole heart, and she knew Emma felt the same, seeing how she was leaving Henry in her care._

_“I don’t think so, Officer. You see, I have no desire to be arrested tonight. I have a beautiful woman waiting at home for me,” Regina said, her heart swelling with the joy in Emma’s eyes at the comment._

_The blonde quickly fell back into character and gently but firmly lead her over to their bed. “I need you to put both your hands on the car please. I need to do a full-body check.”_

_Regina swiftly turned around to face her wife, breaking the grip on her arm. “And if I don’t?” She questioned, her eyes sparking with defiance._

_She barely caught a glimpse of the blonde’s smirk. “Are you resisting me?” Emma asked. Regina tilted her chin up towards her. “So what if I am?”_

_In an instant, the older woman found herself pinned face down on the bed. “You’ve broken the law, and now you’re resisting an officer. That’s two charges against you,” the blonde said. Regina shivered as she felt the familiar cold metal of handcuffs against her skin. Usually it was Emma that they were used on._

_“Now I’m going to ask you one question before I cuff you.” Emma’s voice was right next to her ear now, low and dark. “What’s our word?”_

_Regina was too distracted by the thought of Emma in-between her legs to answer. A sharp slap on her ass brought her focus back to the blonde. “Red,” she panted, already feeling an ache in her core. Oh, she loved and hated how Emma could make her turn to putty in her hands._

_“Would you like to use it?” Emma asked. “No,” Regina immediately said._

_Emma quickly handcuffed her before leaning her body over Regina’s. “It seems you’re in trouble, Miss Mills. Because I’m not a real cop,” the blonde whispered before pressing a kiss to the dark-haired woman’s spine._

_An excited thrill ran through Regina, and she wiggled as she felt herself becoming increasingly wet. Emma swiftly removed the dark-haired woman’s clothing except for her panties. Regina whimpered as the cool air of the room chilled her body._

_“What are you going to do to me?” Regina asked. She tried to sound scared, but the tone of her voice gave away her arousal._

_“I’m going to fuck you so hard you won’t be able to walk right for a week. Now, Miss Mills, you have the right to remain silent,” Emma said before tying a scarf around the woman’s mouth._

_Regina groaned through the gag, anxious to be touched. Emma helped her scoot forward until her head was resting on the pillows. Emma crouched next to her, stroking her face lovingly._

_“Regina.” Emerald eyes peered into lust-filled brown ones. “Do you trust me?”_

_Regina knew the answer was in her eyes. Emma was the one person she trusted completely. Slowly, she nodded._

_Emma kissed her forehead softly and cupped her face in her hands. “If at any time you want me to hold back or stop, I want you to nudge me three times with your foot. Even if it becomes a ‘wait’ then do it. Even if I’m in charge you’re still controlling what’s happening.”_

_Regina nodded in acknowledgement. This life style was still pretty new to them. They’d done their research and stocked their closet, but they both were still inexperienced when it came to pain intermingling with pleasure. Regina was most of the time her wife’s dominant, but every now and then Emma liked to mix it up._

_Regina was convinced it was Emma’s manly side that wanted the power. She needed to prove to herself and Regina that she still fit the pants in their family. However, she quite enjoyed it when Emma took over. She acted harsh, but she still had her gentle side when she became dominant._

_Emma stood up, staring down at her with dark, hooded green eyes. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you want to be punished, Miss Mills. Don’t you know only sluts enjoy that?”_

_Regina moaned into her gag. She loved when Emma used dirty words on her, and her wife knew it._

_“You better settle in. You’re in for one wild ride,” the blonde said before walking outside of Regina’s point of view._

_Regina gulped and automatically tensed. Her body was extremely sensitive, and if she didn’t brace herself she would cum immediately when Emma touched her. She didn’t want to give Emma the satisfaction of knowing how skilled she was._

_Regina shrieked into the scarf as she felt a flogger being flicked against her wet pussy. The pain from the rough leather hit her clit deliciously, and she found herself gently grinding on the bed._

_“Ah ah. None of that,” Emma scolded her as she firmly put one hand on either side of her hips, effectively stopping her. “You will take your punishment with no movement whatsoever. Whores don’t get free reign, Regina.”_

_Regina whimpered but did as she was told. Each time the flogger was brought down on her reddening as or pussy, she had to press herself into the mattress to keep her hips still._

_After 5 orgasms in a row and 60 spankings, Emma finally had mercy on her poor wife and freed her before rubbing aloe vera on her sore ass. “You did so well. I’m proud of you,” Emma said with a smile as she slipped into the bed and held Regina close._

_Regina hummed her satisfaction and nuzzled the blonde’s soft neck, blinding herself with her golden locks. “How am I supposed to last 2 months without you touching me?”_

_“That’s what our closet of toys is for. Improvise,” her wife answered. Regina whined and placed a kiss on the young woman’s throat, making Emma giggle._

_Henry’s cries interrupted their moment. Regina moved to take care of him, but Emma pulled her back. “Let me. I’m gonna miss Henry like crazy when I’m away. Besides, you need some rest.”_

_Regina pulled the covers up to her chin, thankful for the blonde’s offer. This would be the last night she would get a full night’s sleep for a while, as Henry was a very colicky baby and always craved attention._

_Emma smiled affectionately down at Regina as the woman fought to keep her eyes open. “Good night, my perfect Sleeping Beauty,” the blonde murmured as she kissed her._

_The next day, Emma was loaded and ready to go. The yellow bug was piled high with boxes and bags, and the sight sent a wave of sadness to come over Regina. No matter how much she complained about Emma’s old vehicle, she would be sad to it go. But she also knew that this was Emma’s dream, and she wasn’t about to stand in the way of that._

_“Bye, Little Man.” Emma kissed her son’s chubby cheeks and booped him on the nose before setting him in Regina’s arms. “Call me when you get there?” Regina said._

_Emma held her close and Regina fought the urge to drag her into the house and lock her inside so she had to stay._

_“Of course. And you keep me updated with your doctor’s visits. I love you, ‘Gina,” Emma answered. “I love you more,” Regina said. Emma smiled as she caught onto what her wife was doing. “I love you most.”_

_Regina stood with Emma’s parents and waved until the yellow bug was out of sight. For the first time in a long time she felt empty, like a piece of her heart had ripped out and attached itself to Emma’s sleeve._

_David stepped forward and put an arm around her, noticing her inner struggle. “She’ll be back, Regina. Henry will keep you company in the meantime.”_

_Regina took a deep breath and held Henry closer to her. She would take it day by day until her lover returned to her embrace._

“Mayor Mills?”

Regina turned to see Archie walking towards her with Pongo in hand. “You’re a bit early for our session.” the man wrapped his scarf tight around himself as snow began to fall around them.

“Oh, I- we’re not coming this week,” Regina said with a sip of her tea. She noticed the therapist look down at her left hand. Or rather, the ring that wasn’t there.

“Would you like to come inside? My 10 o’clock appointment canceled on me,” Archie offered, gesturing to his office. “Thank you, but no. I have to get some paperwork done. Since it’s a snow day I thought I might do something special with the boys,” Regina politely declined.

“Well, I’m here to talk to if you need it.” The man patted her shoulder before disappearing inside.

Regina decided not to go back to the office. She knew she wouldn’t be able to concentrate on her work while her life was in turmoil, and it being a Friday there wouldn’t be much work to do. Instead, she ordered a to-go cup of hot cocoa with cinnamon (although she didn’t care for the cinnamon flavor) and strolled around town as her face slowly numbed from the cold.

Her cell phone started buzzing in her coat pocket, and she slowed down to answer it. “Regina, it’s Ruby. I’m on main street here with Roland and Henry. Henry’s hurt.”

Regina hung up the phone and jogged over to main street. Henry was lying on the pavement beside his skateboard, clutching his shoulder in pain. “What happened?” Regina asked, kneeling beside him. “My skateboard hit a patch of ice and I fell forward,” the boy answered through clenched teeth.

Regina started to help him up but he pushed her away. “I’m fine! I don’t need you!” He yelled, the pain in his voice betraying him. “Henry, we need to get you to a doctor,” Regina said firmly.

“I don’t want you to take me! I’ll go with Ruby or I’ll wait for Grandma to come back,” the teen argued.

“Henry Daniel Mills I am your mother and you will listen to me.”

“Why should I?! It’s because of you our family isn’t together anymore! It’s your fault Mom left!” He yelled, tears streaming down his face. “It’s all your fault!” He broke down sobbing.

Regina held him close as they waited for help to arrive. Henry didn’t push her away; in fact, he held on even tighter. He had built a wall around his heart to protect himself, but deep down all he wanted was the comfort of his Mom.

 Regina found herself starting to cry too. Henry was hurting, and both she and Emma hadn’t noticed. He was still a child, and he still needed affection and love no matter how much he denied it.

Soon, Henry was laid up in his moms’ bed with his arm in a sling as a result of a dislocated shoulder. Regina laid on one side of him with Roland on the other along with a pile of junk food scattered across the comforter.

“How ya feeling, kiddo?” The woman asked, lightly brushing Henry’s bangs from his eyes. She’d have to remember to set up haircuts for them later this week.

Henry lolled his head to the side, eyes glassy and clouded resulting from the pain meds he was given. “I’m feelin’ great, Mama. What movie are we watching again? Spiderman?”

“Charlotte’s Web,” Regina answered. Henry snorted and looked towards the screen. “Spider pig, spider pig, does whatever spider pig does,” he sang loudly, causing his little brother to giggle.

Regina shook her head and pulled Roland close, running her fingers through his dark curls. “When is Mommy coming back from Boston?” The little boy asked, his chocolate brown eyes looking up at hers.

Regina looked down at him with a questioning look. “Is that where she said she was going?”

“She said she was going to get better and that she’d be home in time for Christmas,” Roland answered as he ripped open a package of licorice. “She always says she’s going to get better and try harder. She never does,” Henry grumbled.

Regina opened her mouth to speak, but Henry continued his speech. “And you’re always working. So half the time we’re stuck with Grandma or Ruby. Grandma makes us do flash cards ‘for fun’ or other boring school stuff, and Ruby is always on the phone with one of her girlfriends. I don’t remember the last time we had a family night.”

Regina put an arm around her eldest son to pull him closer. “Look, I know things don’t seem good right now, but they will be soon. I’m getting an assistant to help me around the office and so I’ll have more time to spend with you.”

“Where’s your ring, Mama?” Roland asked. Regina clenched her left hand and kicked herself for not keeping it. She knew the boys would have questions.

“I must have left it somewhere,” she answered, trying not to look guilty for lying. Luckily, Henry was so hopped up on pain meds he didn’t catch onto the conversation. She didn’t want to break the news of their divorce by herself. It should be both of them telling their sons together.

“I’ll be right back. Stay here and watch your brother,” Regina told Roland before slipping out of the room.

Propped up on the kitchen table sat an unopened letter. Regina must have missed it when she was helping Henry inside. The envelope was blank, but when she opened it her wedding ring rolled out and bounced on the table followed by a small piece of paper. It was a letter.

The woman sat down and slowly opened it, afraid of what she would read.

_Regina,_

_I didn’t want you to think I was abandoning you or the boys and I know you probably wouldn’t want to talk over the phone, so I’ve decided to write you. I know you’ve heard this all before; ‘I’ll straighten up’, ‘I’ll do better’, all those empty promises, so I’m not going to promise anything._

_I wanted you to know that with my mother’s help, I’ve decided to attend an alcoholic rehab facility in Boston. It’s really my last chance. Not for us, but for me. I hate who I’ve become. I’m not going to plead with you to take back the divorce papers or dispose of them forever, because I respect your choice and I’m not going to stand in the way of your happiness._

The handwritten lines were now blurred because of the tears forming in Regina’s eyes, but she forced herself to continue.

_I hope you’re not too angry that I didn’t tell you where I was going, but I thought it was best if I just went. I said goodbye to the boys, and I trust you’ll take good care of them. I really would like to fix our family, Regina. Even if we’re not together, we can still make a good family for our sons. They’ve already been through enough; the least we can do is grant them some peace and quiet._

_I figured you’d want your ring back so I left it home. That’ll keep the boys from asking too many questions that you can’t answer quite yet. I’m nervous about going to this place, but I’m hoping it will help me recover so I can start new._

_Anyways, tell Henry and Roland I love them and I’m thinking of them. Hope to see all of you soon._

_Love, Emma_

Regina held back a choked sob as she folded the paper back up and set it off to the side. This letter was so distant compared to the ones Emma used to send from the police academy. There was no ‘I love you’s’ or ‘I can’t wait to be back in your arms’, it was simply a letter between two parents.

It broke Regina’s heart, and yet, it filled her with joy. Because if she read between the lines, she could see the love that bled through the ink in every word. It wasn’t bitter or hateful, neither was it a promise. It was an agreement, it was respect.

As Regina held the solid silver diamond ring in the palm of her hand, she suddenly doubted if this was the right decision. So, she picked up the phone and dialed Archie’s number.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please please please review! I love reading your opinions and suggestions. It makes my day.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This chapter includes situations that are mentioned dealing with alcoholism and drugs. It may be triggering to some, so read with caution.

Sunlight trickled in through the pulled blinds, emitting shadows across the floor. There was the sound of wheels rolling by on the linoleum floor, most likely the lunch cart making its rounds. Emma laid curled up in under the scratchy blankets she was given, wishing she were dead.

Everything hurt. Her head, her stomach, her back. She had a slight fever, and she was shivering. Sweat covered her body in a light sheen, and the room spun every time she opened her eyes.

The doctors explained it was just the normal part of detox, that she would get worse before she got better. Then they had given her all types of pills to help speed up the process; sedatives, Tylenol, pills to reduce the hallucinations that would most likely plague her. It was now day 3, and things didn’t seem to be getting any better.

But Emma suffered with quiet strength. She was doing this for her sons, her mother, even Regina. Most of all, she was doing this for herself. She would not continue to live a life that revolved around partying anymore. Sure, she had Henry at a young age and missed out on the normal things people her age did, but she had made the decision to keep her son. Now it was time for her to grow up and be the mother her kids deserved.

A light rapping on the door caught her attention. The blonde weakly lifted her head before laying back down. She wasn’t going to waste her strength.

“Emma?” A man’s voice softly echoed throughout the room. It was Heath, her personal psychiatrist.

Emma shifted underneath her blankets to let him know that she was here. Although he most likely knew that already, as Emma had refused to leave her room since she arrived. Heath was nice enough, but she just wanted to be left alone.

“I brought you a grilled cheese and your afternoon meds. How are you feeling today?”

Emma brought the blanket up over her head, shadowing herself in darkness. Although some people are petrified of being constricted in such a way, the act always seemed to calm her. Under the blanket with her breaths warming the small space, Emma felt secure. When she was little, it always chased the monsters away. That, and her father claimed he would defeat them with his sword if one dared to harm his little girl.

The young woman heard Heath sigh. She hadn’t been the friendliest person since she arrived; she simply wanted help and then wanted out so she could return to her family. But her real treatment hadn’t even begun. The doctors said she had to be fully detoxed before they began therapy. 

“Emma I need you to sit up and eat something. I even brought you some chocolate milk to wash down the meds,” the man said.

Emma curled even tighter into her ball. She hadn’t known they would treat her like some sort of mental person when she signed the consent form. She hated the medications; they made her feel drowsy and foggy. How was she supposed to get better when they were pumping her full of tranquilizers? And the grilled cheese the kitchen staff made didn’t even compare to Regina’s. It tasted stale and rubbery. Bleh.

Tears filled her eyes as her brain yet again reminded her of the divorce papers sitting untouched in her bag. Nothing would be the same even when she did return home. She still will have lost everything. Henry wanted nothing to do with her, and Regina had finally given up. Not that Emma blamed her.

“Emma if you don’t sit up, I’m going to have to send a doctor in to administer your medications. That will set your release date back even further. You want to get back home to Henry and Roland, don’t you?” Heath said.

Emma forced herself to sit up, glaring at the man through watery eyes. “Don’t you dare talk about my sons like that. You don’t know them. You can’t even begin to understand how I’m feeling.”

Heath pulled a chair up and sat down next to the bed. “Actually, I do. I was once in your place, Emma. I know how it feels to lose everything you care about.”

“Oh really? Do your kids hate you? Did your wife file for divorce and drop you like you were some worthless nobody?” Emma snapped.

Heath leaned forward, his eyes glinting with a steely spark. “That’s not true, and you know it. You had better learn to take some responsibility here. I read your case file; I know your story. And I can tell you, mine is far worse. But this isn’t about me. You made the decision to come here, Emma. Now you need to take the next step.”

Emma stared at the 5 colorful pills in the man’s outstretched palm. It would take less than a minute to take them, to wash them down and do what she was told. But she had never liked things the easy way. Her mother always said she was bull-headed, just like her father.

So she scooted back against the wall, drawing her knees to her chest and blankets up to her chin. Heath sighed and retracted his hand. “Would it help if I told you that you got some mail?”

That caught Emma’s attention. Did Regina read her letter?

“If you take your medication, I’ll give you your mail,” the man reasoned with her. The blonde took a deep breath before reluctantly taking the pills offered.

Heath brought in a small box and set it on her lap before leaving her alone. Emma’s eyes filled with tears as she read the letters ‘Mommy’ in red crayon. Roland loved making little crafts for his mothers, and just seeing that someone _did_ care lifted Emma’s spirits a little bit.

Inside sat a homemade card on top, made by Roland of course. Henry had even signed his name inside. Below that was a little note from Mary Margaret.

_Emma,_

_Roland insisted on sending you a card, so I put together a care package. We love you sweetie. No matter what, I am proud of the young woman you have become, and I know your father would agree. You are strong, and you can make it through this._

_Love, Mom_

Emma wiped away the tears that had fallen and continued digging through the package. Mary Margaret had sent her the white sweater she had been wanting, along with some toiletries and her favorite snacks. A smile settled on the woman’s face as she pulled out a polaroid picture.

Henry was in a bed with his arm in a sling, Roland and Regina on either side of him. Emma’s heart skipped a beat as she wondered what happened. An arrow at the bottom of the picture prompted her to flip it over.

Emma inhaled sharply as she recognized Regina’s handwriting. _‘It turns out I was right; sooner or later, Henry was going to break something riding that skateboard you got him around town (you owe me $20). Don’t worry, he’s doing fine. We’ve been monitoring his pain, and he’s been giving us quite a laugh. We all miss you, and I really hope you are doing well. Whale says the strain on my heart has lessened, and the medication seems to be working. I got your letter, and I really appreciate your decision to get help. I’ve been getting help myself, Archie has been working with me to try to control my anger. I threw in some books and a blanket from home to keep you company. See you soon. Love, Regina._

Emma unpacked the rest of the box and carefully placed the polaroid underneath her pillow before eating the bland sandwich in front of her. She had to try.

A few days later, Emma was feeling back to normal. Heath had noticed the change, and had scheduled her first day of therapy.

Emma tugged on her new favorite sweater, fluffing her hair out so it hung in waves around her shoulders. Regina always loved her hair best this way.

A knock on the door pulled her attention from the mirror. “Ready for your session?” Heath asked. Emma nodded and followed him out. The man lead her to a day room where a handful of people had gathered to sit.

“Everyone, I’d like you to meet Emma. She is new to our program,” Heath introduced her. Emma sat down next to a pale, stick-thin woman who greeted her with a warm smile. The rest of the group welcomed her, and Heath motioned for Emma to stand.

“The first step in therapy Emma is to accept your problem. If you wouldn’t mind introducing yourself to the group, we’ll begin.”

The blonde nervously stood, fighting not to fidget with her hands. She was never good with large crowds. “I’m Emma Swan, and I am an alcoholic.” She glanced over at Heath, who nodded at her to continue. “I’m here because I want to be a better mother to my sons.”

She then proceeded to listen as Heath went around the circle to the others as they explained why they were there and what problems they had. The majority of everyone had alcohol issues except for the exception of a few, including the woman next to Emma who had been addicted to meth and heroin.

Emma’s heart slowly started to break for these acquaintances she hardly knew. They had much worse lives than she; some had been in and out of jail, others had almost died, even one man had killed his whole family mistakenly getting behind the wheel of his car while intoxicated.

Next, Heath put them in pairs to talk about their experiences and what they can do to change themselves. Emma was paired with a woman named Anne, who was about the same age as her mother. She was plump and her face was a little weathered, her brown hair showing flecks of grey.

“I noticed you were holding back on us,” she commented. “Anything you got on your mind?”

Emma stared at the table and traced an invisible pattern with her finger. She felt strange talking about her personal life with someone she hardly knew. However, she knew this was part of the process on the road to recovery.

“Well, I had my son Henry as a teenager. His father was never around and I fell in love with a woman who I’m married to now. We adopted our other son Roland after his father passed, and… things just got bad. My father died, her mother died. I started drinking more, she started working more. We fought. And then our fights started getting physical. Our sons moved in with my mother to escape our fighting, and now my wife wants a divorce.”

Emma felt herself becoming emotional, and she wrapped her arms around herself. “On top of that, she has a heart condition. And it’s because of me her heart is strained. It’s hard getting up every morning not knowing if that day would be the day it gave out on her. I still love her, and I want to get better for her. For our family. I just- I feel like I’ve already lost everything.”

Anne smiled sadly and reached out a hand to grasp hers. “I know things are tough right now. I was in your situation, only I was targeting my son. My husband died and I couldn’t take it. I was lucky I had my friend to intervene and wake me up to realize what I had been doing. But if I know any better, I’d say you’re lucky you have a family that loves you so much. Did your wife give you that?”

Emma looked down at the sweater, seeing nothing out of the ordinary. Anne pointed to a small dark spot at the bottom of the sweater. “Regina. Is that her name?”

The blonde looked down to see dark letters at the bottom, barely legible. She had just figured it was a factory mistake, but on closer inspection she noticed Regina’s name was sewn on the bottom with a heart next to it. The letters S.W.A.K. were below it.

Emma’s heart warmed as she recognized the signature she and Regina used to use when they were young and sent letters back and forth despite being 2 blocks away from each other. ‘Sealed with a kiss’ is the signature they had written at the bottom of each one, but they hadn’t used it in years.

“I just got this in a care package the other day. I thought it was just from my mother and kids, but I guess I was wrong,” Emma said.

“It’s never too late to change, Emma. And if I knew any better, I’d say your wife still loves you. You can make it through this. I have a good feeling about you.”

Emma accepted the woman’s embrace as she leaned forward to hug her. “Blessed be,” Anne whispered before they were called back to the rest of the group.

And for the first time since coming here, she believed she could make it through this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, it’s a short chapter. I’m sorry, I’m having a bit of writer’s block. Bear with me.


	7. Chapter 7

Regina examined herself in the rearview mirror of her car, desperately hoping she didn’t look like the way she felt, which was like a complete train wreck. She tucked her hair behind her ears, brushed away the smudge of lipstick, squared her shoulders, and took a deep breath.

“Mama, can we go in now?” Roland piped up from the backseat. His impatient little legs kicked at his booster seat, and she could practically hear the energy bursting from within him. It had been a long drive. 5 hours to be exact.

Today was visitor’s day at the rehab facility, and Emma had sent a letter inviting Regina and the boys. Roland had eagerly expressed his excitement and had all but jumped in the car the moment Regina read the letter aloud. It had been 2 and a half months since they had seen Emma, and he missed her more than anyone else.

With the exception of Regina, of course. Although, little boy missing his mother topped the loneliness Regina felt. Also, she wasn’t sure if she was ready to let her walls down and trust Emma again. Henry definitely didn’t; he refused to even read the letters that Emma sent weekly. He was hurting, rightfully so.

Regina had purposefully scheduled an appointment with Archie the day before they were supposed to leave. She didn’t understand why she was so nervous about seeing Emma. Maybe it was the fact that she felt guilty about giving her those divorce papers without warning. Or maybe she was afraid she wouldn’t be able to keep her guard up once she saw her again.

Archie had reassured her that these feelings were perfectly normal after she had spent almost the entire session sobbing and going through his box of tissues like she was some teenage girl with her first heartbreak. And to be perfectly honest, Regina wasn’t sure she was ready to give up so soon.

She was just so _tired_. Tired of picking up the pieces without feeling an ounce of gratitude from her wife. She was tired of being a punching bag. Of pouring out her heart and soul and allowing herself to fall into the empty promises dished out on a silver platter. But she also tried to understand that Emma was tired too.

“Mama…” the little boy whined from the backseat. Regina caught his eye in the rearview mirror and gave him a soft smile. “Alright, let’s go.”

As they entered the facility, Regina noticed the large banner hanging above their heads. ‘Welcome Visitors!’ the sign displayed in cheerful letters accompanied by signatures of what must be the patients.

“Hello.” A man greeted them. He looked to be about Regina’s age, maybe a few years older. “I’m Heath, one of the staff of our facility. I assume you’re here for Emma.”

Regina’s eyes widened the slightest as the man shook her hand, then knelt down to greet Roland. “Hi, little man. You must be Roland.”

“We’re here to see Mommy Emma,” the boy spoke up, his dimples highlighting his face as he gave the man a toothy grin. “She’ll be happy to see you. She talks about you all the time,” Heath said.

He then straightened up to address Regina once more. The woman swallowed thickly before speaking. “How is she?”

The man must have seen the worry in her eyes, for he gave her a slight nod before crouching down eye-level to Roland. “See that lady over there in the red shirt at that table? She has some pretty neat stuff for you to take home if you go over and ask her.”

Roland looked up at his mother silently for permission. Regina squeezed his hand and nodded. “Go on. We have all day to see Mom.”

With that, the boy released the tight grip on her hand and rushed over to the table to see what goodies were waiting. Heath motioned for Regina to sit down. She did so, making sure to keep a watchful eye on her son. The boy was too curious and trusting for his own good.

“Emma has made tremendous progress here at our facility. I am her primary doctor so I work one on one with her. She was a bit hesitant and frustrated at first, however she has opened up a little more each day. Your care packages and letters have been helping. She is very nervous about seeing you, though. As I’m sure you are as well. However, I am confident she will be home just in time for Christmas.”

“Mommy!” Roland’s excited squeal echoed through the room as he forgot all about his treats and ran to embrace Emma with open arms. Regina’s breath hitched in her throat as she set eyes on her wife. She looked so much better than she had been at home; her eyes were bright and alert, her skin wasn’t pale, and even her hair looked healthier. Most importantly, she looked happy. It was almost like they were kids again meeting for the first time.

“Hey buddy. I missed you. You haven’t been giving Mama trouble at home, have you?” Emma asked, her voice warm and bubbly. Roland giggled as she gave him an Eskimo kiss. “I’ve been good. Haven’t I, Mama?”

Regina stood as Emma finally looked over and acknowledged her. Emma’s reaction echoed hers; the only difference was Regina could see the wariness behind it. Her heart nearly leapt into her throat as she noticed the blonde was wearing the sweater she had etched with her name.

“That’s right,” she spoke, finally finding her voice. “Santa says no coal for you this year.”

“Henry’s been naughty. He’s getting coal for sure!” Roland said, looking up at Emma. Regina fidgeted with her hands. Henry’s absence seemed to be the elephant in the room. “I’ll be sure to write Santa a letter telling him your brother only gets coal this year. How does that sound?” Emma teased.

Roland frowned, concentrating hard as his eyebrows knit together. “Well, maybe tell him to give Henry at least _one_ toy. He’s mostly sad that you’re gone.”

Emma hugged the boy closer. “I’m sad that I’m gone too. I’ll be home before you know it. Hey, why don’t you go check out the arts and crafts table over there? I think I saw you can decorate your own t-shirt.”

Roland nodded and went to go check out the table with the other kids that had arrived. Regina sat down across from Emma, just like they would at home. It saddened her to think that things would never be so simple again.

“How are you?” She asked, hesitantly meeting the blonde’s gaze. “Much better. Detox wasn’t fun, but now that I know what I have to change I’m feeling a lot better,” Emma answered. A beat of silence. “How’s your heart?”

“Still holding on. Whale says it has improved a bit since I started this new medication. It helps that I finally got an assistant at the office to help me out as well,’ Regina answered. She noticed Emma’s hand twitch on the table, as if she was wanting to reach across it and touch her but didn’t know how without making it uncomfortable.

Regina reached out instead, rubbing her thumb tenderly across the heart tattoo etched into the space between her thumb and pointer finger. Emma had gotten it on Henry’s first birthday, putting in his initials to make it even more sentimental. It was the one of the first grown up decisions she made, apart from keeping Henry. It was a promise to never run from him, to weather the storms that came their way.

“I’ve missed you.” The words tumbled out of Regina’s mouth, taking them both by surprise. She saw a flicker of sadness cross Emma’s face before the blonde pulled away. “It’s taken me a long time, but I finally made a decision,” the young woman spoke.

Regina watched as she pulled a file from the bag at her feet. A lump formed in her throat as Emma scooted the papers across the table to her. It was their divorce papers, signed and dated for today’s date.

“I want you to be happy, Regina. It wasn’t easy, but I finally put my own feelings aside to sign them. Now we can both start over and make better lives for our boys,” Emma said. Her voice was quiet, but confidence shone through with a quiet diligence.

Tears pricked Regina’s eyes. She was just about to tell Emma she had changed her mind, that she didn’t want the divorce after all. But seeing Emma the way she was now; healthy and happy, she couldn’t just rip the rug out from underneath her feet.

“I appreciate this. Thank you,” she answered. A smile appeared on Emma’s face. “You’re welcome. I just hope you find what it is you’re looking for and have the life you deserve.”

Regina fought the urge to jump across the table and wrap the young woman in her arms. She would never find that something she was looking for because _Emma_ was it. No matter how hard she tried to deny the fact, to lie to herself, to bury her head in the pillow and push the burdening thought from her mind; she loved Emma. She wasn’t pretending. Things have been shitty, sure, but every marriage has their rough patches.

Instead she stayed silent; folding the papers and neatly hiding them inside her purse as Roland joined them again. “Do you want to make bracelets with me? I’m making them for everyone in our town!” He asked.

Both women chuckled and joined him. One thing was for certain; their son always put them in a better mood.

The day ended far too quickly, and Regina still hadn’t gotten to say what she really wanted to. They had been distracted for the most part, as Roland had insisted on them doing every single activity. Roland and Regina were the last to go.

Emma hugged Roland tightly and gave him lots of kisses before turning towards Regina. The older woman didn’t even think before capturing her in her arms, inhaling her scent and willing the ache in her heart to stop. Emma was the first to pull back, and Regina reluctantly let her go.

She wanted to say ‘I love you’, but the words died on the tip of her tongue. So, she said the next best thing. “Emma, I don’t think I’m ready for this.”

Emma’s arms reflexively crossed her chest and she took a step back. Regina kicked herself for speaking so soon. It was too late to stop now. “Ready for what?” The blonde asked, voice guarded.

“To let go. Of you, of me. Of our life together,” Regina answered quietly, staring down at the papers peeking out of the top of her purse. She heard Emma’s breath catch in her throat but she continued before Emma had a chance to shoot her down.

“Maybe after you come home we can talk to Archie. I’ve been working on controlling my anger and balancing my work life with my home life. And you’ve gone above and beyond to get help. I just don’t want to lose the 14 years we’ve built together.”

Emma was silent for a few minutes before finally speaking. “I think you’re right. But I also think we need to think about this a little more. I’ve been doing so well here and even though it kills me to stay away from you guys for such a long time, I don’t want to go home and have everything go back to how it was. And I’m afraid we have too much history…” she trailed off.

Regina numbly nodded. She had to respect Emma’s wishes, just as Emma had respected hers. “I’m willing to try if you are.”

Emma’s words took her by surprise. She had assumed that Emma was ready to move on from her. So, she took the outstretched hand in her own and shook it, lingering a bit too long. But Emma didn’t seem to mind. She merely squeezed it and offered her a kind smile.

“I’ll be sure to write,” the blonde promised. Regina gave her one last glance before taking their son’s hand and leading him to the car. The little boy conked out almost immediately, making the drive home equally peaceful and uncomfortable as he left his mother alone with her thoughts.

* * *

 

Heath quietly knocked on Emma’s door as the doctors were making their rounds to ensure the patients were following the bed routine as they were taught. “Special delivery for Emma,” he said softly, holding up the t-shirt she and Roland had created earlier in the day.

The white fabric was now covered in thick globs of paint with some of the shapes resembling dinosaurs and stars, two of Roland’s favorite things. Emma thanked the man before taking the shirt and draping it across the other side of the bed. It smelled like home, and she had almost forgotten the normalcy of it.

“How was your day?” Heath asked, grabbing the desk chair and turning it around so he was sitting backwards with his arms resting on the back. “Good. It was nice being able to see Roland,” Emma answered. Heath made a humming noise that signaled he knew what was up. Her voice was a bit too chipper for the answer to be completely true.

Emma sighed and sat down on the bed. “It was… difficult, seeing Regina again. I gave her the divorce papers and she seemed grateful, but before she left she basically told me she _didn’t_ want a divorce. She wanted to try again.”

“Is that something you want?” The man questioned.

Emma glanced down at her wife’s name sewn into her sweater. “More than anything I want Regina to be happy. And I’m not sure if she can be with me, no matter how hard she tries to be. And I don’t want to take two steps forward only to fall back into the place I was before. I have more than just myself to think about. I have my boys, too.”

“I’m proud of the steps you’ve taken today, Emma. You voiced your opinion because of what you wanted, not to make anyone else happy. I say tonight you get a good night’s rest and we can pick this up in our session tomorrow,” Heath said.

Emma nodded and wished him goodnight before crawling beneath the covers. Her mind was exhausted, but she couldn’t seem to shut her eyes. The tranquilizers she had been given for the past couple months had finally stopped making her so drowsy, as her body had built up an immunity to them.

So, she counted sheep and tried to keep Regina off her mind. Little did she know, the woman that was hundreds of miles away was trying to do the same thing.

 

 

 


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Homecoming

Emma tried to hide her nervousness as she said goodbye to the staff members at the rehab clinic. She was so on edge she felt like she was going to be sick. This little clinic had become like a home to her, and they didn’t allow her to slip up or back out. She was left alone when she wanted to be and everyone had been so understanding of her story.

But now she was finally being released back into civilization, and it scared her. Would her family think she was still a screw up? Had they forgiven her? What would Regina think of this new Emma?

Heath handed over her discharge papers and walked her to the entrance. Emma stood in front of the glass doors for what felt hours. She couldn’t seem to take the first step out. Heath put a hand on his shoulder as he noticed her nervousness.

“You’ve made it this far, Emma. Go home to your family. I’m sure they miss you, especially the little lad that came to visit last month,” he gently coaxed her. “Nothing is going to be the same for me,” the blonde said numbly.

A lump grew in her throat and she pinched the palms of her hands to stay calm. Alcohol wasn’t the problem anymore. The real issue was Emma having to face the people she had hurt, pick up the pieces from her life and move on. But at least now she believed she wouldn’t be alone. She would always have someone by her side, even if it wasn’t Regina.

“Just remember your plan. All you have to do is cross that threshold and meet your mother who is out there waiting for you. Take it hour by hour, then day by day. I don’t want to see you back here, do you understand?” Heath said.

Emma nodded and reached her hand up to squeeze the man’s hand. He had been her rock through this difficult time. He understood Emma better than she did herself sometimes. She owed it to him to continue on this clean path.

Mary Margaret was leaning against the yellow bug when Emma finally exited, bag in hand. The blonde welcomed her warm embrace as she held her close. “You look so much better, Emma. I am so so proud of you,” the older woman said with a soft smile.

Emma forced a smile on her lips and allowed her mother to help her into the car. She was more than capable of doing it herself, but it was understandable that the woman was acting a little clingy. Emma hadn’t seen her in 3 months, and Mary Margaret couldn’t even last a day back home without calling her and seeing if she needed anything.

Because to Mary Margaret, Emma would always be her little girl. She came first always.

They began to make their way through Boston, fighting traffic and the snow that was drifting down and sticking to the streets.

“Christmas is in a few days. If you want, we can take a small detour and pick up some gifts,” Mary Margaret suggested. “That would be great, Mom,” Emma said with a smile. She was grateful for her mother’s idea. It delayed seeing Regina for a few hours at least. Gave her time to clear her head and slowly blend back into society.

“We’ll stop by that burger joint you love first. I’m starving. I’m assuming you didn’t get much fast food in that place. Not that I agree with eating junk every day,” her mother said with a quick glance and a smirk directed at her daughter.

After nearly 3 hours of walking around and shopping, the women took a break. Emma was grateful for the chance to rest. She wasn’t too fond of shopping before coming to Boston and that still hadn’t changed. But at least they got their Christmas shopping done.

“Here you go,” Mary Margaret set down a steaming cup of hot cocoa in front of her before sitting down. “Hot cocoa with cinnamon, just the way we like it.”

Emma gratefully sipped the warm drink, warming her face and hands.

“What’s bothering you?” Mary Margaret asked. “Aren’t you happy to be finally going home?”

Emma toyed with the rim of her cup, biting down on her lip. “Going to rehab was the easy part. It’s coming home that’s difficult for me,” she answered.

She glanced up at her mother to see the woman was giving her full attention, patiently waiting for her to continue. How Emma took her for granted. She pushed her away when really, she should have been the person she relied on most. Her mother was the strongest person she knew apart from Regina, and all she ever wanted was her family to be happy.

“I’m sorry, Mom. For what I did. For how I was… before,” Emma apologized. She might as well start mending her bridges now.

“I’m sorry too, Emma. I should have realized what was going on. I should have been there. And I’m sorry you felt like you were alone,” Mary Margaret said.

Emma felt guilty as she saw tears form in her mother’s eyes. “But now we can start over. And I will be with you every step of the way. This isn’t going to be easy for you, but you never have to feel like you’re alone again.” Mary Margaret reached her hand out to grasp her daughter’s.

“Thank you, Mama,” the blonde said softly before hugging her mother so tightly she lost her breath.

For the rest of the drive back to Storybrooke, Emma felt calm. Almost like she was a kid again, safe knowing her mother would take care of her. She could feel her father’s spirit close by as well, as if he was there supporting her too.

As soon as the yellow bug pulled up in front of Mary Margaret’s loft, Roland ran out to greet them. Emma was nearly knocked over as the boy ran at her full speed and launched himself into her arms.

“Grandma said this was supposed to be a surprise party for you but I couldn’t wait,” the little boy said with a cheeky smile. Emma ruffled his hair and hugged him back. “You’ve grown like a foot since I last saw you! Pretty soon I’m gonna need to put a brick on your head to stop you from growing so much!” She teased.

“At least I’m not old like you!” Roland shot back before howling with laughter as his mother tickled him mercilessly.

“We should go inside and get out of this cold,” Mary Margaret suggested and led the way in. Emma fell back behind her and Roland, slowly inching her way along. She was surprised when she felt her young son slip his hand into hers. “It’s okay, Mom. We love you.”

Using Roland as her anchor, Emma entered the loft. “Welcome back!” Ruby greeted her with a hug.

The loft was the same as it always was; there weren’t any streamers or annoyingly big signs saying ‘Congratulations’, or ‘3 months sober good for you!’. She was grateful for that.

The group that had gathered was small, thankfully. Along with Snow and Ruby, there was Granny, Archie, and Henry. All close friends and family who knew of their home lives.

Granny welcomed Emma with open arms before snapping at Ruby to stop playing video games and help her with the cake. Emma suppressed a giggle at the older woman’s attitude. She treated everyone in the town like she did Ruby, and it was rather comical.

Roland ran upstairs towards the distinguishable sounds of _Mario Party_ while Emma took a seat in the living room and tried to not look as worried as she felt. It kind of stung that Regina hadn’t showed. But it was understandable, seeing as Regina was most likely as nervous as her wife.

Archie slowly made his way over and sat down across from her. The way he looked her over made Emma shift in her seat. Archie wasn’t a naturally judgmental person, but he knew about her life more than Heath. Emma couldn’t help but feel self-conscious, despite him giving her a warm smile.

“It’s great to see you back home, Emma. You look great. How do you feel?” The man tried to spark up a conversation.

Emma knew he was trying to be nice, but the way he talked made her feel like she was in a therapy session. She didn’t care to bare her soul in front of everyone.

“I’m good. I feel so much better… healthier,” she answered out of politeness.

“That’s good to hear. I hope you don’t mind, I brought you a little something.” Archie reached into his pocket and pulled out a small velvet box.

Emma grabbed the gift and opened it. Her breath hitched in her throat as she stared down at it. Nestled within the silk lining was a necklace. But it wasn’t a normal piece of jewelry. A copper penny punched through with a heart shone back at her, slightly dulled with age.

“My- my courage necklace,” the blonde stammered. “I haven’t seen this in years.”

“Your mother held onto it for you. She wanted me to give it to you once she thought you needed it,” the man explained.

Emma carefully pried the necklace out and fastened it around her neck. It comforted her just by its presence. It was the necklace her father had given her when she had gotten her appendix out as a little girl as a reminder that she was strong and brave. Emma was convinced she had lost it forever.

The sound of footsteps made them both look towards the staircase. Henry awkwardly stood at the base, his eyes locked on his mother’s. Archie quietly excused himself as the teen came forward.

Emma braced herself for the hate speech that was sure to come. She was rather surprised when instead the boy flung himself in her arms and began to cry.

“Don’t leave us again. Please, Mom. Please,” he sobbed. Emma stroked his dark hair, holding him close. “I’m not going anywhere, Henry. I’m clean and sober, and I’m back for good,” she tried to reassure him.

Henry pulled back and looked into her eyes. “You promise?” He asked as his voice cracked slightly. “You’ll keep your word this time?”

Emma gently grabbed his shoulders and met her son’s watery gaze. “I promise. There wasn’t a day that went by that I didn’t think of you and miss you. You were the reason I made it though.”

The happiness that flickered in the boy’s eyes caused her to become emotional as well. She never thought Henry would forgive her. The fact that he was standing here now holding onto her tightly made the hell she had gone through these past months worth it.

“I love you, Mom,” Henry spoke, resting his head on her shoulder. “I love you too, buddy,” Emma said.

The front door opening and closing caught their attention. Regina did make it, after all.

“Sorry I’m late,” the woman said with a light smile. “I had to pick up some red pepper for this lasagna.”

“Hey, why don’t you go play upstairs with your brother? I’ll meet you up there in a few minutes and then I am going to beat your high score on _Mario Kart_ ,” Emma suggested with a slight nudge to Henry.

The boy caught the hint and gave her one last hug before heading back upstairs. Regina silently set down the dish she carried in and joined Emma in the living room.

Emma fidgeted with her hands. She had no idea what to say. Luckily, Regina broke the ice first.

“Hey, your mom found your courage necklace.”

“Yeah.” Emma nodded and toyed with the small charm. “I’m glad you’re back,” Regina spoke again.

Emma looked into her eyes to see nothing but happiness. It was evident Regina really had missed her. Maybe things wouldn’t be so complicated after all. The woman looked so healthy, happy. She was doing just fine without Emma around.

“Did the divorce papers go through yet?” The blonde asked quietly, trying to keep the question just between them. “No, no they didn’t. I haven’t had the heart to put them through yet,” Regina answered honestly.

Emma felt irritation stir inside of her. All this time she was hoping it was over, that they could start over on their own. But Regina was holding on now too tightly and Emma feel constricted. She loved the woman with all her heart, but she feared being together would push them both back into the pit that they had managed to crawl out of.

But she pushed that irritation aside. She couldn’t fully understand Regina’s reasoning until she was in her shoes. So, she turned her instinctual nasty remark into something positive.

“Thank you, for being here for me and the boys. It really means a lot.”

“Can we- “Regina glanced towards the group of women that were no doubt eavesdropping. “- go somewhere and talk?”

“Dinner is ready!” Mary Margaret chirped. The question on Regina’s mind was soon forgotten as everyone began to dish up.

Emma was thankful for the interruption. This was the reason she was so nervous about coming home. She didn’t want to talk about their problems. She would rather start over anew. She wanted just one night of peace where they didn’t have to talk about love or divorce or their broken family.

Regina noticed the tension between them and quickly excused herself from their meal. Emma abandoned her own after seeing the sad and confused expressions on the boys’ faces. She found Regina on the roof, rolling an unlit cigarette in between her fingers.

It was time she took responsibility for her actions. Either Regina wanted her, or she didn’t. Now it was time to find out.

 


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year :)

Emma hesitantly stepped forward, a few cups of cocoa in her hands. Regina didn’t notice her until she was a few feet away. “Need a match?” Emma offered, taking out her emergency pack.

She hadn’t seen Regina smoke since they were young, and it irritated her that she had started again. Especially with her health being the way it was. But she couldn’t judge her for it, not really. Emma had put her through hell, and she had to be the one to care for their boys when she was away.

Regina waved away her offer. “I don’t smoke them. It’s just something to do with my hands.”

The blonde stepped forward and sat down on the steps next to her wife. She set down Regina’s cup of hot cocoa before sipping her own, watching as the warmth of the liquid rose in the darkened sky.

“You didn’t even tell me goodbye when you left,” Regina spoke after a few minutes of silence. “Regina, you left me,” Emma answered honestly.

Regina let out a breath, watching as the condensation drifted away with the wind. “I was hurting.”

“I know,” Emma said quietly, wanting to move closer but holding back. “So was I. That’s why I left. I wanted to become a better person. And if that meant you moving on without me… well, I was going to respect that. And clearly you’re doing so much better- “

“Yeah, well I’m not,” Regina interrupted her. Emma’s eyes widened as the woman turned to face her with tears in her eyes. “Do you think I’m happy knowing nothing is going to be the same between us? Do you honestly think I was happy with you gone? No. Every day it hurt a little more. And then you signed the divorce papers and came back acting like you could just push everything under the rug.” She gave a light chuckle. “If only it was that easy.”

Emma felt tears freeze on her cheeks as she listened to her wife’s speech. Just hearing the pain in her voice made her own heart break. All the anger, the sadness, the problems she had tried to move past these past 3 months hit her with all the force of speeding train.

“Did you think I liked being away from you? Coming back here was even worse than the treatment was because I wasn’t sure you would want me anymore. You sounded so sure when you gave me those papers, Regina.” Emma forced herself to look in her eyes. “I was just trying to move on like I thought you wanted.”

“I’m sorry, Emma. I- I shouldn’t have given you those papers. I was at my wit’s end. But I never stopped loving you. No matter what I said before. And the thought of losing you- “

Regina cut off as she clutched her chest. Emma immediately sprang up as the woman fell forward on her hands and knees. “Regina, what’s happening?” She fought not to panic.

The older woman took a few unsteady gasps before grabbing onto Emma’s outstretched arm. “It’s- okay. This has been happening- “she groans in pain. “Since when? Why didn’t you tell me?!” Emma said, fear creeping into her voice.

Regina seemed to recover rather quickly and managed to sit back down. Emma refused to let her go, instead holding onto her hand and waiting for her to speak. “It’s alright,” the woman offered her a reassuring smile that didn’t comfort Emma in the slightest.

“Should I take you to the hospital?” Emma asked nervously. “No, no. It’s just cold out here and my emotions got to me,” Regina answered.

The blonde immediately helped her up, throwing the unused cigarette to the ground with a look of disgust as if it was to blame. Regina grabbed her arm before she went to open the roof door.

“I’m not ready to go back yet.”

“We’re not,” Emma said. The older woman gave her a look of confusion. The blonde smiled and turned to face her. “We’re going home. The boys are staying here and I am taking you back home to get a good’s night rest. Because we both know Christmas Eve we’ll need to take turns on patrol catching them when they -sneak out of bed.”

Regina looked at her with so much love then, like Emma was the person to make the world rotate. She was still hurting; that Emma could see, but she also hadn’t given up like she had feared. Quite the opposite, in fact. Although, a part of Emma hated it being so easy to fall back into the love they thought they had lost.

They had been abusive. Not only to each other, but their kids as well. Emma always promised herself that she would never stick around with someone that dared disrespect her like that. But now, looking back, she realized she was far too naïve at that time in her life to even begin to process what that really entailed.

Because when you fall in love as deeply as she did, everything changes. Regina became her priority. Her world, believe it or not, began to revolve around her wife. Even when she was trying to avoid her it never stopped orbiting around her other half. And she should have known it wouldn’t be easy trying to move on from someone who had taken her heart and secured it within her own.

“Lead the way, Peter,” Regina uttered softly. Emma smiled at the nickname she had grown so fond of. She was Peter Pan, Regina was her Wendy. Corny, but it fit. They hadn’t used those names in years, but it reminded them of when life was simple.

The short journey home was painful. For Regina, at least. Her chest tightened and her breaths came out wheezy as she struggled to put one foot in front of the other. Emma had offered to drive them in her yellow bug, but Regina had firmly declined.

She was young still, and she _would not_ let her disease take over. Besides, it gave her more time with Emma by her side. Any second now she was afraid her wife would bolt and change her mind. Regina had treated her terribly and broken her heart. She wanted to prove she had changed just as Emma was trying to do.

“I still think we should have taken my car. Even if you are perfectly fine like you claim to be, I’m freezing my ass off!” Emma grumbled.

Regina knew Emma well enough now to know this was a cover-up. The blonde’s worrying glances and firm grip told her as much. “We’re almost there, you big baby,” she teased.

They managed to arrive at the house with minimal difficulty, Emma leading Regina upstairs to their room and not giving a second thought to how awkward it should feel. Surprisingly, Regina didn’t protest as Emma helped her out of her soaked clothes and ran a warm bath for her.

Emma slowly warmed the woman limb by limb, blowing on her hands and rubbing her feet without complaint. She carefully checked the woman’s pulse, wanting to make sure her heart wouldn’t give out from being put into the hot water too early.

Once Regina was warmed and Emma had her favorite winter PJ’s in hand, the blonde finally realized she never even asked if Regina was okay with it. She was running on autopilot simply because this was the routine they used to have down to a tee.

“I’m sorry. I should have asked,” the young woman said as she set the pile of clothes on the counter. She couldn’t help but stare as Regina elegantly climbed into the bubble-filled tub.

How she wanted to touch her just then. To show her how much she loved her, how sorry she was. But the rational part of her brain stopped her. They were nowhere near ready for that. But that didn’t matter right now. Regina’s heart was top priority.

“No, it’s okay. This is helping,” Regina reassured her with a warm smile. “I’ll- um- I’m going to make us some tea. I’ll be downstairs if you need me,” Emma stammered before leaving the woman alone.

Soon, she was sitting at the table staring down at the papers in front of her, wrestling with the decision to show Regina or not. Before she had a chance to do so, a soft pair of hands came to rest on her shoulders. Emma leaned into the touch, feeling her heart swell in her chest at the familiar action.

“Thank you for taking care of me. I feel so much better,” Regina said. “I’m glad to have helped. I made you some chamomile tea,” Emma answered as she tried to hide her nervousness.

Unfortunately, Regina always saw through her. “Emma, you don’t like tea,” the raven-haired woman said as she pointed to the blonde’s half-empty cup. “What’s going on?”

Fear immediately sprang into Emma’s mind as she processed her wife’s words. Often when Regina used to make tea for them, she would sneak in either whiskey or rum in her cup after having poured out the tea.

“No alcohol, Regina,” she said as she held up the cup for the woman to smell. Regina simply leaned down and kissed her cheek. “I know you’ve changed, dear. But what’s bothering you?”

Emma bit her lip and looked down at her chicken-scratched signature at the bottom of the document in front of her. At least Regina had believed she was trying to get better. Regina rested her chin on her shoulder. “Emma if we want this to work, we need to talk to each other. No secrets.”

“No secrets,” Emma breathed, finally making a decision. “I have something here that is very important to me. This is going to come as a shock, and you might get angry with me. But I need you to hear me out please.”

Regina poured herself a cup of tea and took a seat next to her.

“Before I start, I was thinking about doing this for some time. When I brought this idea up to Heath in rehab, he encouraged me to tell you. And I- I don’t want to make it seem like I’m pessimistic or whatever but- “

Emma realized she was rambling and forced herself to take a deep breath. Then she pushed the papers over to her wife.

Regina gave her a curious look before looking down at the documents. Emma watched her carefully as she read through them, fidgeting with her hands in under the table. Regina slowly let go of the tea cup and folded her hands together as she read.

Emma’s heart nearly leapt into her throat as Regina began to silently cry. She didn’t mean to hurt her. All she wanted was to show Regina that even if they were apart, she would never stop caring for her.

They sat in silence for a few minutes, Emma staring at the table as Regina buried her face in her hands. Emma broke the silence first.

“Regina, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that. I know it was wrong. You have every right to be angry- “

Regina looked up at her with tears still streaming down her face. “Is this real? Were you really going to- to give me your heart?”

Emma silently nodded. The documents specifically stated that if anything were to happen to her and she died, her heart would go to Regina if it was at all possible. She had kept the papers hidden away months before she went to rehab, her and Katherine being the only ones that knew they existed.

“I still want to. If- if something happens to me I want you to be here for Henry and Roland,” Emma finally spoke.

Regina pulled her up to her feet and into her arms. Emma allowed the embrace, slightly worried Regina was upset at her. “Nothing better happen to you. Because Emma Swan, I want you to be here with me years from now. Screw the divorce papers. I love you.”

Regina sounded upset, but not because of the papers. It was more so the thought of losing Emma that caused her voice to hitch in her throat. So, Emma said the first thing that came to mind, something she’s said many times before that drove Regina crazy.

“It’s been Mills for a while now.”

Regina laughed, the sound filling the room and lifting both of their spirits. It had been so long since either have them have felt this _okay_. Their problems weren’t gone, not by a long-shot, but now truly they could work on them as a family. That was a promise they intended to keep.

As Christmas Eve slowly came upon them, the two women sat in front of the fireplace and burned the divorce papers that had been stashed away. Then they enjoyed each other’s company by eating s’mores (picky Regina even managed to do so) and reading one of their favorite classics _To Kill a Mockingbird_ while talking about the problems they would like to work on.

“You know,” Emma said softly as she laid with her head on Regina’s chest as they cuddled on the couch, “I was supposed to be taking care of you. That was the whole point of me taking you home.”

Regina closed the book in her hands and rested her hands on the blonde, one idly stroking her back while the other stroked her hair. “You did, love. I think it’s only fair that I get to take care of my Emma now, don’t you?”

Emma hid her face behind her blonde tresses, grinning from ear to ear. She loved when Regina said she was hers. It made her feel small and safe, like for that moment it was just the two of them in the whole entire world.

Emma stifled a giggle as the woman poked her side playfully. “Well, don’t you agree? You’re _mine.”_

The last word was whispered in her ear, and the blonde shivered. “Yours,” she said softly.

Not long after, Emma began to snore softly as she allowed herself to truly rest. Regina stayed awake for some time, staring into the glow of the fireplace and holding Emma impossibly closer to her.

How Emma would be so willing to give up her heart for her she couldn’t quite fathom, especially after the pain she put her through. However, she figured if Emma was the one with the life-threatening disease she would feel the same way.

Slowly, the happiness she felt slipped away until tears fell from her eyes and dampened the golden curls resting on her chest. Regret filled her entire being as she looked down at her wife. Regret for ever having given Emma those divorce papers. For not telling her how she really felt that day they went to visit her.

All this pain could have been avoided. The last thing Emma needed was someone to run out on her. Regina was reminded of her father, carrying his lone suitcase out the door as he kissed his crying daughter goodbye for the last time. She had hurt Emma in the worst way imaginable.

Regina’s crying must have roused Emma, as the blonde blinked sleepily up at her. The older woman quickly wiped away her tears and resumed stroking her hair. “Go back to sleep, dear. It’s alright.”

Emma seemed to comply, as her eyes slid shut and she snuggled closer. Regina was surprised when she spoke a minute later. “I’m not mad at you, Regina. You were doing what you thought was best.”

The blonde’s voice was raspy and strained from her sleepiness, so she attempted to lift her head to make sure Regina heard her. “I don’t even deserve you.”

Regina shushed her gently and laid her head back down. Emma tended to ramble when she became over-tired. “Don’t say that.”

Emma fully sat up this time, jade eyes glassy and unfocused as if she were still sleeping. “It’s true. I hurt you so badly and I- I want to make things right,” she said.

Regina smiled at her. What a beautiful soul she had. “We’ll get there, Emma. I promise. Go to sleep now.”

Emma listened and laid back down. Within minutes, they both were asleep.

 

 

 


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I’m sorry to say this will be the last chapter of this story. I’ve done what I wanted to with the characters and plot (not quite, but I’ll put another note down at the end explaining). So enjoy! And thank you thank you thank you for reading and supporting me!

 “Are you scared, Mama?” Little Roland asked his mother as the nurse worked to hook Regina up to monitors and machines. “Who me? Not a chance,” the woman teased as she ruffled the boy’s hair.

Henry knowing the severity of the situation unlike his brother, simply laid his head on his mother’s chest and held her tight for a minute, trying not to cry. Emma watched as her wife stroked his back and whispered soothing words into his ear. Henry had every right to be afraid; she was terrified and so was Regina, despite the act of bravado she put forth.

Today was the day Regina would be receiving a new heart. Whale had pulled some strings and fought so hard for the woman that he very nearly lost his job. It proved to both of them that the doctor wasn’t a complete ass, and he actually cared for Regina like everyone else in this town. How could they not?

Emma couldn’t help but frown as Regina gently pushed Henry away, watching as Mary Margaret led them out of the hospital room. This could be the last time she would see her boys, and she didn’t want to hurry anything.

Whale rolled in another hospital bed and set it right next to Regina’s so it almost created a double. “Sorry ladies, we don’t seem to have any spare cots. Hope you don’t mind sleeping on this.”

“Thank you, Whale,” Emma said with a smile as she set her duffel bag on top of it. The boys would be going home with her mother while she stayed here with Regina for the next couple days. Tomorrow morning Regina would be undergoing the knife while Emma would most likely be suffering from anxiety.

Regina reached her free hand across to Emma’s side as the blonde climbed into the bed. “Maybe Whale should give you something to calm your nerves, Em,” she said softly.

Emma quickly shook her head. She hated hospitals, and she hated shots. Even when she was giving birth to Henry she refused an epidural. Besides, the medication would only be a temporary fix for the inevitable she would have to face tomorrow. She wanted as much time with her wife as possible.

“You know what this reminds me of?” Emma asked, changing the subject. Regina looked over at her, a knowing smile on her face. “Henry,” the older woman said what she was thinking. It was a sweet memory now, despite both women being scared out of their minds at the time.

_2003…_

_The baby monitor glowed as the sound of Henry’s wails filled the darkened room. It was a common occurrence for the 2-year-old to wake them, as he hated sleeping in his crib and to prevent him from escaping they had to put a light mesh netting over the top._

_A low whine escaped Emma’s throat as Regina nudged her. “Your son wants you…”_

_The blonde yawned and buried her face further into her pillow. “Before sunrise he’s your son.”_

_Henry’s wails intensified, turning into screams. Emma sat up immediately, knowing that was her son’s pained crying sound. “Regina, I think something’s wrong.”_

_Her wife followed her out of bed to the little boy’s room. Henry was standing in his crib, cheeks flushed from crying and snot running down his face. He howled louder as he saw his mommies._

_Emma picked him up and noticed that even through his fleece PJ’s he was running a fever. Upon touching his tummy to try and soothe him, the toddler cried out and wriggled away from her._

_“Shh shh shh, little Henry, it’s alright,” Emma said softly, kissing his brow to find he was sweating. “Regina, I think we should get him to the doctor. Something’s not right.”_

_Regina agreed and packed a small bag for them before driving to the hospital. Henry screamed and cried the whole way, not even taking comfort in his favorite stuffed bear that he carried with him everywhere._

_“We need to get him back to surgery right away. His appendix is about to burst,” Whale said upon inspecting him._

_Tears filled Emma’s eyes as she watched nurses bustle around the little boy, hooking him up to monitors and trying to keep him calm. Her heart pounded inside of her chest so fast she actually was beginning to feel faint. She had never felt so scared in her entire life._

_“It would help if you came back with him while we give him the anesthetic. He’s- Miss Swan, are you alright?”_

_“Swan-Mills,” Emma stubbornly corrected him. “I’m fine. Just make sure Henry is okay.”_

_“Perhaps you should take a seat- “_

_“I SAID TAKE CARE OF MY SON!” Emma practically screamed. “Emma. Emma hun, sit down,” Regina said, gently pulling her to a chair. “He’s going to be okay. I’ll go back and keep him calm. You wait for your parents here, alright?”_

_Emma nodded, clutching Henry’s stuffed bear to her chest. Regina always knew how to break through that wall and calm her down._

_Mary Margaret and David soon arrived, and Emma was thankful for the familiarity of her father’s arms holding her close. Regina respected her space, staying close by but giving her the time she needed with her parents._

_Cora arrived soon after, bringing food and supplies for them as Henry would have to stay in the hospital for a few days._

_Whale was kind enough to send in an extra bed for them to sleep in so they could stay close to Henry. Soon, the toddler was out of surgery and in his room. Whale had informed them the surgery had gone well and he would make a full recovery._

_Emma squeezed herself on his bed, holding him as she patiently waited for the anesthetic to wear off. Regina laid in the bed beside them, rubbing Emma’s back in silent comfort with their boy nestled in between them._

_“So he did okay? Was he scared without me being there?” Emma asked nervously as she stroked his dark brown locks. “He did fine. I read him a book while they put a mask on him, and he just drifted off to sleep,” Regina reassured her._

_“Thank you. I don’t know what would have happened if I was alone with him. Just- thank you for being here for us,” Emma said as tears rolled down her face. Regina gently wiped them away and cupped her face in her hand. “I’m your wife, Emma. I’m with you through everything. Forever and always.”_

“I’ll be okay, Emma. We’ve made it this far, haven’t we? This is just another bump in the road. And this means I’ll be able to live a long life. So no giving your heart away, you better promise me. It’s _mine_.”

Emma couldn’t help but smile at that. Her nose scrunched up and she leaned forward to give her a kiss. “Yours,” she breathed as Regina held her close.

Emma followed Regina back as far as the doctors would allow before seeing her off. She had made sure to give her lots of kisses and even managed to sneak in a joke about her silly blue hairnet (which Regina looked beautiful in).

Mary Margaret arrived with Henry and a bouquet of flowers in tow soon after they took Regina back, leaving Roland in the care of Ruby. Emma was thankful for the distraction from pacing like a caged animal around the ICU waiting area.

Henry seemed to be in a better mood and tried to entertain his mother with funny pictures of him and Roland pet-sitting Pongo. Emma held him as close as she could without embarrassing him (because god forbid if one of his teen friends saw him hugging his mother) and tried not to think of what was happening behind those steel doors.

10 hours later, Whale emerged from the restricted area. “Regina’s doing well so far. I thought I would inform you. We are stitching her up, monitoring her and making sure her vitals are where we want them. She stayed with us the entire time. We’ll have her in the ICU recovering soon. Then we will monitor her for a few days to make sure her heart is working like it should.”

Emma immediately relaxed. Regina had made it. She was going to be okay. Henry hugged her tightly, flashing her a toothy grin. Once Whale went back and Mary Margaret excused herself to go to the bathroom, Henry pulled her up.

Emma let him lead her to the cafeteria, where like a true gentleman he bought her a cup of coffee using his allowance. “Ma, I just wanted to say I’m sorry,” the boy said.

Emma looked up in surprise. It had been months since Henry had taken his anger out on them, and they had more or less forgotten about it. Winter was finally turning into Spring, Emma was going on her 7th month of sobriety, and they had become a happy little family all under one roof again.

Respectfully, she let him speak. Despite all of them attending therapy once a week, there was just some things that had to be told directly.

“When you and Mom were… struggling, I didn’t make things easier by yelling and running off. I just- I wanted to say that I’m really proud of you and that I’m really glad you’re my mom,” Henry said.

Emma reached her hand across the table to hold his. “I couldn’t have asked for a better son. You definitely keep me on my toes,” she said, booping him on the nose like she used to do when he was little. “And I know you were hurting. I wasn’t fair to you. But now things are different. Better.”

“Definitely,” the teen agreed.

“You’re 15 now, drinking coffee, going on dates… Roland is 7 now. I’m 34, Mama is 35. We’re old!” Emma teased. “By the way… who’s that girl you’ve been sneaking around with?”

“Mom…” Henry whined, blushing slightly. “Oh come on, Henry. Who else am I going to give a hard time to? I can’t exactly make fun of your mom,” the blonde said.

Henry jiggled his foot nervously. “Okay, fine,” he relented, blowing his bangs out of his eyes. “Her name is Grace. We met in comic club and we work on yearbook together. She’s editor and I run the weekly student interviews. We’ve only hung out a few times.”

“So, is that the girl you were making out with in the den last week?” Emma asked with a glint in her eye. Henry nearly spit out his coffee. “Um- y- yeah. We were studying.”

“ _Studying. Right,”_ Emma drawled. Mary Margaret interrupted the awkward conversation, saving her grandson from being interrogated. “Regina’s in recovery.”

Emma practically ran to Regina’s room. “She should wake up in a few minutes. Call me when she does, and we’ll get her started on pain management,” Whale informed her.

Emma pulled up a chair and watched her wife sleep. She looked so peaceful and serene this way. Regina had been worried about the large scar that would run down chest more than the surgery; Emma knew she was insecure about herself (crazy woman) and so Emma always made sure to compliment her every day.

Eventually, Regina’s eyes fluttered open. “Hey, beautiful,” Emma greeted her with a kiss to her hand. A smile ghosted over the raven-haired woman’s face before her eyelids drooped once more.

Emma made sure to keep a close eye on the monitors she was hooked up to, although the hospital staff was surely doing the same since she was technically in critical condition. A few minutes later, Regina woke up again. This time she tried to sit up more and wake up. Emma gently held her still.

“How did it go?” Regina asked in a raspy voice. “God, I must look terrible.”

“You look beautiful to me,” Emma said, grabbing the cup of ice chips off the table and feeding her a couple. “Whale said the surgery went well. How does your heart feel?”

“Well, it’s beating. I think that’s a good sign,” the older woman said. Emma rolled her eyes at the sarcastic comment coming from her wife. Good to know she still had her same sense of humor.

“Well, look who’s awake,” Whale greeted them. Regina glanced over at her the blonde, and Emma just barely noticed the flicker of nervousness in her eyes. She gently held her hand and gave her a subtle nod, silently reassuring her.

The doctor began to check her over, humming what sounded like positive noises every so often. Emma kindly looked away as he lifted Regina’s gown to check on her stitches; he didn’t want Regina to become uncomfortable with her looking at it.

“So?” Regina inquired with a tinge of impatience as the man scribbled onto his clipboard. “So far, your new heart seems to be holding up just fine. However, you are not out of the clear yet; these next 48 hours will be the most crucial. I’m going to give you some medication to stay one step ahead of your pain,” Whale explained.

A quiet knocking on the glass caught their attention. Regina’s eyes lit up as she noticed their eldest son practically standing with his nose to the glass, becoming impatient with having to wait.

“May I see my son?” The woman asked. Whale sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. “Only for a few minutes after he has been sterilized. I don’t want to expose you to anything that might put you in danger. Even Emma has stretched her stay past the safe amount,” the doctor answered.

Emma quickly gave her wife a kiss before switching places with their son. She watched their exchange with a smile, admiring how in that moment Henry seemed like he was 5 years old again. His cheeks flushed as Regina reached up to cup his face, and he absent-mindedly scuffed his sneaker against the floor as Regina said something to him that was unheard by his other mother but seemed to make him happy.

Whale quickly ushered the boy out and Emma took the opportunity to sneak in one last time before he gave Regina medicine to knock her out.

“You should go home and get some rest,” Regina advised her. “You’re beginning to look like a racoon, Swan.”

Emma simply chuckled and rolled her eyes. “There’s a magical bean like called coffee that helps me stay awake. Maybe you’ve heard of it. Oh wait, you probably haven’t, seeing as you are an old lady now.”

Regina swatted her arm as best she could, sticking her tongue out at the blonde. Then she grew serious. “I’m not kidding, Emma. Go home and take Henry with you. I’m sure Whale will keep you updated.”

Emma shook her head defiantly. “I’m staying right here. My mom can handle Henry, and there’s a comfy couch in the waiting room calling my name.”

And stay she did. For the next 4 days, she lived at the hospital, faithfully doting on her wife and listening carefully to the doctor’s instructions for home care.

As the months passed, things continued looking up. No longer was Regina out of breath, complaining about chest pain, and taking countless medications. She was free, in a sense.

The two women cuddled on their bed after a night out of the small town. It had been their first date alone where Emma didn’t have to worry about her wife’s health, and Regina didn’t have to worry about Emma taking one too many shots of tequila.

Regina shivered as Emma slipped an ice-cold hand underneath her shirt, fingernails softly skimming the pinkened scar that was in the last stages of healing. They hadn’t been intimate at all since before Emma went to rehab minus the lingering kisses and wandering hands.

Truth be told, Regina hadn’t even allowed Emma to see her bare skin. Every day she stared into the mirror at the big scar stretching from just right above her chest down to the top of her belly, frowning at its rude appearance.

Emma called it her battle scar and always made sure to reassure her that she would love her always, scar and all. Though the declaration of love was admirable, Regina just wasn’t comfortable letting Emma look at it. It was ugly and seemed to highlight her greatest imperfections.

But tonight was different. Regina wanted to open herself up fully to her lover. So she gently reached her hand to join the blonde’s, holding both still. “Emma,” she breathed. The blonde looked up at her with wide, knowing eyes. Her pupils dilated the slightest as Regina flicked her tongue out to run along her bottom lip. “Make love to me.”

If they described their sex lives now, most people (especially Ruby) would agree that it was very vanilla and entirely way too loving. They had long since decided to close the door on their punishment/reward system, both agreeing it hit too close to home with them. But that didn’t mean they still couldn’t have fun.

Regina still liked to consider herself top dog in their relationship; taking control of their kisses, their movements, ordering Emma to say her name over and over as she loved hearing it on the blonde’s lips. Every now and then she would get a little frisky and smack or pinch the blonde’s ass, but never had she laid a cruel hand on her wife again, and neither did Emma.

The blonde had begun to nibble and kiss on her neck, fingers twisting at the buttons of her blouse but not daring to open it. Regina shimmied out of her skirt before tugging on her wife’s hips, struggling to pull down the skin-tight denim covering them.

Emma reached back to help her, not once breaking contact with her skin that she was surely marking. She whined once Regina tugged on her shirt too, silently indicating she take it off. Regina gasped quietly as Emma’s hot lips momentarily released her, the cool air in the room hitting the darkened mark.

The raven-haired woman expertly flicked open her bra, exposing the blonde’s breasts and licking her lips at the way they jiggled slightly before settling. Emma moaned as she reached up to squeeze one. It delighted her to hear that sound again, and the pleasure shot straight down to her core.

“Undress me,” she whispered boldly in her wife’s ear, flicking her tongue out to trace the curve of it. Emma pulled back, nimble fingers dancing across her silk blouse. “All the way?”

Regina impatiently grabbed the blonde’s hand that was cupping her face, using her free one to grab onto Emma’s that was resting on her shirt before violently ripping her blouse open. The blonde beauty’s mouth fell open in shock.

She hadn’t even bothered to look down at her stomach yet; no, Emma was staring at her like she was a manifestation of sex itself. The only sound in the room was the white buttons scattering every which way and heavy breathing.

“Holy _shit,_ Regina.” Emma gaped at her, lust glazing over her emerald eyes. Finally, she allowed herself to look down at the scar Regina tried so hard to avoid. A hushed silence fell over them. And then, Emma did something that brought tears to her wife’s eyes. She leaned down and placed a tender kiss on top of it.

“You are beautiful. And I’m sorry to say, this is my newest favorite feature of yours,” Emma said with a smile. Regina simply smirked at her. “I thought my ass was your favorite.”

“Oh that definitely comes into second place along with your boobs, but this… this is exquisite.”

Regina felt her heart speed up inside of her chest, tensing as she anticipated the pain to come. But it never did. Emma peppered kisses along the soft line, and Regina was surprised to feel herself growing even wetter at the action.

The blonde rested her head against her chest as she used to do, afraid of pushing too hard and injuring her. But now they didn’t have to worry about that. Regina could run a marathon and this heart would still keep pumping without any ill effects.

“Did I tell you to stop?” She growled into her wife’s ear. Emma forced herself to sit up, moving forward a bit to straddle her. Regina shot forward, hungrily attaching her lips to her nipple and sucking so hard Emma cried out. She didn’t let up.

Quickly she snuck her hand underneath the band of Emma’s underwear, humming with satisfaction as slick warmth coated her fingers. Emma tried to do the same, but Regina caught her hand and instead pressed it to her other sensitive breast.

Slowly, agonizingly slowly, she made her way up to capture Emma’s lips, rubbing the blonde’s hardened nub in small circles. “Let me touch you!” Emma begged against her mouth. Regina shushed her quietly. “Patience, my Emma. This is what making love is all about.”

Emma cried out sharply as Regina slipped a finger inside of her. Regina raised an eyebrow as she felt how tight she was. “Have you not been pleasuring yourself, dear?”

Emma bit down on her lip and shook her head. “N- no, I wanted to wait until you were ready.”

“Such a sweet girl… so patient… you knew your little box of toys hidden underneath this bed wouldn’t satisfy you quite like I can, didn’t you?” Regina murmured, making sure to move slowly as to not cause her discomfort.

“Yes,” Emma agreed, slowly rocking her hips now. Regina focused on her clit, not daring to put another finger inside. But it seems the one was just enough, as when she curled it Emma cried out in ecstasy and fell forward as she came.

“We’ll have to work on that,” Regina said, stroking the blonde’s curls as she allowed her a moment of rest. “Because I cannot wait to fuck you with my cock so hard you won’t dare to touch your pussy for a week.”

Emma looked up at her with shining eyes. “May I make love to you now, Regina?”

“Oh please do,” Regina answered, spreading her legs.

This time it was Emma’s turn to suck and nip and please. She started with her breasts, alternating between the two and leaving marks only they would see. By the time she dipped her head down to taste the woman’s dripping core, Regina was on the brink of coming.

“Just like that. Mm, yes…” Regina moaned and rubbed herself back and forth on Emma’s inviting face. The blonde allowed it; normally she would pin her hips down and fuck her dry until she saw stars, but now she allowed Regina to take control.

Emma practically slammed two fingers inside of her pussy without any warning. She must have assumed Regina hadn’t been doing the exact same thing she was; waiting for her. But Regina welcomed the pain, welcomed the excitement that came with not having to be careful.

“Emma Emma Emma Emma Emma!” The older woman panted, chanting her wife’s name over and over as she reached her peak. Emma brought her up once more before moving to lay down beside her.

On instinct, Regina pulled her onto her chest. “This isn’t hurting you, is it?” The blonde asked nervously. “Not at all. I missed us cuddling like this,” Regina answered. “I missed your heartbeat,” Emma said quietly. “It’s all yours,” Regina reassured her. “Mine,” Emma agreed before drifting off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That’s the end of this story! I’m pretty pleased with how it turned out and I hope you are too. My main ending idea was to have Emma and Regina get into a car accident and have Emma die and then Regina wake up in the hospital with Emma’s heart in her chest, but I figured that would have been too dark. So, happy ending it is! Thank you for all of you, seriously you guys are amazing. Make sure to leave a review telling me what you think and stay tuned for more stories! Much love.

**Author's Note:**

> That is the end of chapter 1! Please review with your opinions and if you'd like me to continue with this. This is, by far, the most difficult story I have written so far (I cried while writing it).


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